Hidden Identities // H.S

Chapter 19

Harry Styles

     "Harry! Please stop!" I hear my mother's distant voice from behind me. I don't know where the hell I'm going. I don't know shit around here but I need to get out of here.

"Harry!" Her voice is only getting closer, her footsteps getting louder and quicker.

I'm getting closer to the driveway. I think I heard Becca mentioning that the keys are always left in the trucks. My hands are shaking from pure anger as I try to desperately cut off my mother's desperate voice.

It's completely dark around here except for the porch lights shining from behind.

"Harry!" She places her hand on my shoulder, yanking me towards her. I turn around to face her, her eyes are already brimming with tears.

"Save the crocodile tears for another day, mum. Just quit the act already." I roll my eyes.

"I haven't seen you in years, Harry! I haven't spoken to you in years! I expected my old Harry to come back to visit me when your father and I agreed for you and your sister to come to visit. Yet the minute you got here it's been silent treatment and short answers. Why won't you just talk to me, Harry? I'm your mother for god's sake!" She throws her hands in whatever emotion she's feeling. Her eyes are only getting more watery by the second.

"Talk to you? After everything you did?" I scoff, "You want me to talk to you like nothing has happened? Like my life didn't go to complete shit in one month and you left right at its peak? You left! You left me to start a new life here. So don't go playing the victim here, mum."

My whole body is on fire. My insides feel like they're going to explode any minute now. Too much stuff has happened all in an hour. I need something to calm me down.

"I lost a son, Harry. We all lost someone! I couldn't take the paparazzi weighing on us at the worst point of our lives, and neither did your sister! So I left! I'll admit I left you and your sister at a horrible time in your life. I did it for my own good and you should've left while you had the chance too! I didn't expect to build this new life like this, to make it seem like I forgot about you two. It just happened!" Her voice is cracking from the sudden raise in it. She looks like a wreck.

"You left at the worst time of my life, mother. While I was trying my best to overdose on anything you were building a new life with your perfect little husband and your perfect little farm. Everything you said you wouldn't become. Good for you that you got the life you wanted but I didn't. I'm still carrying that guilt with me while you're raising farm animals. Our grief is not the same." I slightly laugh at the last sentence. How dare she even try to compare our grief? They're two completely different types and I have it worse.

I have never yelled at my mother before. Especially not like this. I've been bottling up my anger towards her since the day she left. Making up arguments in my head and questioning why she left in the first place. Her little comment back there is all it took for me to finally explode.

"What do you want from me? To go back to New York and become the person I hated? To live in that mansion filled with grief? Harry that's the past! I love your brother just as much as I love you and your sisters! All of you were my babies! But I accepted that he's gone and moved on. You should too, Harry." She pleads, her voice is filled with desperation.

"How dare you even tell me that? You have no idea what the hell I've witnessed. What guilt I've been living with. You have no idea! You don't get to tell me to move on, you don't tell me what to do with my life anymore! You stopped being my mother the minute you decided to leave. You should be thankful I still call you mum! So you don't get to tell me what to do with my life anymore. Now go back with your new family and just replace me with one of your fucking animals if you haven't already." I shouted, her eyes brimming with tears again. She pouts her lip just like Becca does as she tries to hold in her tears.