Sinister

Anger

Manipulation; the action of manipulating someone in a clever or unscrupulous way.

Something felt off. From the moment Roman dropped me off to actually entering my house, I could tell something was wrong. It's like something was missing. My gut was telling me to turn back around and go spend the day with Roman, but I ignored it. I turned the knob, surprised to see the door swing open. Now this was only proving my suspicions. She never left the door unlocked. I took a deep breath in then slowly exhaled. Brace yourself for the worst. I hesitated to put my foot past the door. What if she was dead? I wouldn't mind but what would happen to me? Ugh. She's always creating problems.

I walked in and slammed the door behind me, giving her a heads up just in case she was in one of her moods. "I'm home". Silence. She better not be dead. I sighed, walking into the living room. The strong smell of cigarettes slapped me in the face. I fanned the air, Jesus Christ. I never really got the point of smoking, how can inhaling that shit solve problems anyways? Plus it causes cancer. To each their own I guess.

"Mom?" I coughed, squinting across the room since the blinds were closed. She stood by the kitchen, smoking a cigarette while staring off into the distance. I walked over to her, feeling slightly more confident about the situation. "Why the hell did you leave me all alone at that restaurant?". She took a long drag before exhaling smoke all in my face. As much as my throat was tingly I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of a reaction.

"I COULD'VE FROZEN TO DEATH YOU BITCH SO DON'T JUST STAND THERE ACTING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!" I snapped. So much for not having a reaction. She calmly tapped the cigarette on the ash tray, ignoring my outburst. "Oh how I wish, but you're still here" she said bitterly. I threw my hands up in the air, "why do you hate me?". She laughed, slamming her fist down on the counter multiple times as if I've said the worlds funniest joke.

"Because you little shit" she sneered, "you're the one that ruins every relationship I've ever had!". I blinked. She's got to be kidding me. I'm not the one that pushes people away because of my erratic behavior. "YOU KNOW WHAT HE TOLD ME! HUH!". She sighed, staring up at the ceiling while blinking multiple times. Was she going to cry? "He told me that he wanted to get to know the real me, the me that's under all the fabrications". What was she talking about?

"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK IM PRETENDING!" She screeched. Does she not realize or was she in denial? "Who said all of this?" I asked slowly, trying not to feed into her anger. "I DESERVE BETTER! WHY SHOULD I LIVE IN THIS SHITTY HOUSE! WHY SHOULD I WORK! I SHOULD BE TRAVELING AROUND THE WORLD AND WEARING DESIGNER CLOTHES AND EATING THE BEST CUISINES!".

I gently placed my hand on her arm, trying to get her to calm down. "Maybe you should get some rest, it seems like you've had a long night". She jerked away from me then slapped my cheek. "Don't put your filthy hands on me fucking parasite". I stared at her in shock. That's it I give up. "Whatever, I'm done trying to help you". She turned around, grabbed a bottle of wine from the counter and walked away while muttering, "I never get what I want".

I gently touched my stinging cheek and winced. I don't know what happened to her in the past but I can't keep excusing her actions. No, she's not right in the head, but that doesn't mean she gets to treat me like this. One day I was going to kill her, that's if someone didn't beat me to it. I ran my hands through my hair while chucking. This was too funny. Me, kill someone? Maybe I need to lay down.

I trudged up the stairs, feeling emotionally drained. Why did every day feel like a soap-opera? Why couldn't I just have one day where nothing bad happens?! What annoyed me even more was the fact that I was constantly craving love from people who didn't have any to give. I sighed, glancing into my moms room. Something deep inside me was hoping that she's call me in to apologize but I know better. Oh well.