[COMPLETED]
trep·i·da·tion
a feeling of fear or agitation about something that may happen.
***
"You'll see the truth one day." I whispered against his harsh lips knowing this was wrong. The sensation was driving me insane, his warm breath panning...
I'd rather be anywhere Anywhere but here I close my eyes and see a crowd of a thousand tears
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Regretful.
That's how I feel right now. I regret everything that led me to be sitting here. I'd rather do anything then have to sit here and break the news to everyone.
I'd rather be anywhere, anywhere but here.
Getting ready to get on a stupid fucking bus at six in the goddamn morning. I don't know what I thought would happen, but I didn't think I would have to tell my only fucking friends that we found our dead tour manager yesterday.
I guess you could say it's been a long night... or two days of no sleep, but that doesn't matter. None of us could bring ourselves to face the boys yesterday.
We didn't care what happened to us, we just stood there. Staring at the lifeless man in front of us who had nothing to do with this. Now he was dead because of us.
I regret letting my father make the decision to let normal working people onto this tour. He said they'd be left out of the mafia related stuff, but deep down I knew there was always the invisible string between them.
He said it'd be good for us. Have normal people around us daily who aren't trafficking drugs or laundering money. He said she said, look where we are now.
One of the sweetest most energetic people died yesterday because of us. Spencer thought he was going on tour with a normal band, happy to be managing something this big, but now he's gone.
I know how much he loved this job. Even when we were all in the worst mood because something happened with a task, and he was stressed because we were falling behind, he still always supported us. He pushed us and made us feel normal.
None of us want to admit it, but we like music. We like going on tour, seeing crowds in front of us every night. Getting to sing and put a smile on someone's face is something I've grown to love. It was never that way before, but Spencer was one of the reasons why I enjoyed it so much.
He wasn't some prick that was just there for money. Spencer wanted to push us to be the best we could. To keep going and singing. He was amazed to be going on a tour this big, but he always worried.
He worried that he was leaving his family for too long. He had a family.
Most of the time we pretended like we didn't care or weren't paying attention, but we heard him. He worked with us for over two years, we heard the stories, hell we even fucking met them.
I hated that I was probably going to be the one who had to call his wife and say he died. We would have to break the news to his four year old daughter, Evelyn, and his seven year old son, Matthew that their father died.
He died because of my mistakes.
I did something to cause this, and I need to do something to put a stop to it. This can't keep going, I'm not the person who runs away from my problems anymore and lets people get hurt in my path. I'm going to stop it, I'm going to protect the person I care about.
