guard you; jilix

though only scars remain, i'll still hold you close

MOONSHOT: N.FLYING

felix pov-
i walk into her office and sit down looking at my old vans, really should get a new pair. "felix it's nice to see you after so long " miss han smiles and picks up her notebook. i start bouncing my leg, unsure on what to say.  "it's been a whole month since our last session, how have you been recently "

"ive been better but ive also been worse " i play with the rings on my fingers, trying to avoid any/ all eye contact. focusing on how the metal wraps around my small fingers.

"so nothing new " she jokes while writing something down. "i see you followed my advice with getting something else to fiddle with, picking the skin off your lip wasn't the best way of dealing with your anxiety " i hum. "last session you mentioned your friends, why don't we start by talking about that " she smiles.

"well um they've been inviting me out less " i gulp "it was fine at first since i understand that people need space but it's now everytime they go out they forget about me it makes me feel so useless and dumb "

she looks up concerned "maybe spend more time with others " my eyes widen.

"i'm- i don't have any one else and it's too late in the school year to make friends, it's only a few more months i can deal with it " she shakes her head and puts her notebook down.

"these people sound very toxic felix, this isn't helping your mental health " she looks at her phone "oh my ! can we finish this session this time next week i have a very important meeting that just came up " i look up and smiles.

"its fine, i'll see you next week " she nods and picks up her bag. just as she was leaving a boy with blonde hair that looks around my age walks in. he looks familiar, probably in one of my classes.

"you said to meet you in your office ? " the blonde boy looks confused and then notices me, "hey you're in my maths class " i was right, he tries to start a conversation but it doesn't stop how awkward it is.

"am i ? " i stand next to the blonde boy, he's a tiny bit taller than me but like you couldn't really notice the difference.

"yeah you sit at the back by the window " he smiles "i never show up so you probably haven't seen me "

"oh ok, yeah im usually asleep in maths "i get up and scratch my neck, trying to force some sort of joke out.

the boy holds his hand out "im jisung, it's a pleasure to meet such a cute boy " he winks, i shake his hand.

"im felix " the blonde boy, now known as jisung smiles and keeps hold of my hand.

"how about we go and hang out " i nod, not really trusting my voice. "shall we go and sit in the park to get to know eachover ? "

"yeah, yeah ok " jisung smiles at my response and let's go of my hand only to intertwine our fingers. felix don't blush this is very normal.

..

"so you're friends with bang christopher chan, like the class president also the same person that hates me ?? " jisung stops and questions.

"yeah yeah, i mean people either hate you or love you i guess" i say while stealing another bite of his chocolate.

"oh so you love me " he winks at me and puts his arm over my shoulder.

"when did i say i didn't hate you " he shakes me a bit, as if he was trying to shake some sort of answer out of me "i will leave " i threaten, hoping he'll stop.

"nooo i gave you food, you can't leave me " jisung drags me to sit down on a park bench "so felix, how did you get therapy ?? " he asks awkwardly, clearly unsure if he can ask something like that.

"well i was looking because i was feeling.. sad ? and found out families on benefits get it for free so ive been going, it's been really helpful, well kinda. my dad doesn't know that i go, he thinks it's a study session " jisung burst into laughter at the last bit, throwing his head back due to the intensity of the laughter.

"a study session ?? aren't you failing all your classes " i pout and hit his arm, "ow, anyway do you mind if i smoke around you , if you're uncomfortable with it i won't bu- "

"its fine, it's fine ! my dad usually smokes inside " i say while putting my head on his shoulder. i hope he doesn't get uncomfortable with this.

"you want some ? " he said putting the cigarette in front of me. i stare at hit, contemplating whether i should try it.

"no thanks " he leans his head on mine "jisung thankyou for being my friend "

"hey hey its ok, thankyou for not leaving me, i only have one real friend and he.. he's not the most reliable person " i hum and we stay in place for another five minutes.

"its getting late shouldn't we start leaving ?? " i ask while watching the streetlights turn on.

jisung dramatically gasps "you want to leave me ?? " i laugh.

"no no i don't want to worry my dad, it's getting late " jisung groans.

"ok ok fine get up, i'll walk you home " he says while getting up and holding his hand out. i get up and hold it.

"this is the second time we've held hands " i smile as we start walking. his hold makes me feel all soft and happy.

"wait are you uncomfortable with it ? we can stop if you don't like it " jisung panics.

"no no no no no its fine ! it's just i haven't had someone who wants to hold my hand and stuff before, it's really nice " i swing our hands.

"well then, expect me to give you all my affection at all times " he says while pulling me closer. i laugh and we keep walking until we get to a large building.

"ok, ok we're here " i let go of his hand and get my keys out my pocket.

"already ?? " jisung pouts and puts his chin on my shoulder as i go to unlock the door.

"yeah but i'll see you at school tomorrow " i look at him and smile.

"ok fine but give me your phone " i turn around and hand him my phone, he seems to be typing something into it. "there so i can talk to you more, also what's your favourite food ? "

i put my phone back in my pocket "oh um i like sweet things but i guess rice or sushi " jisung nods and turns to walk away "wait no, come back! i want a hug before you leave "

"aw my little lixie is so cute " jisung gives me a big hug, his arms around my torso and his head resting on my shoulder.

"you know this is the first hug ive gotten in a while " i wrap my arms around his neck and lean into him. full relaxing in the hold.

jisung lifts his head "what ?! but you're friends with chris, isn't he really into hugging people ?? "

"yeah but he kinda distanced himself from me.. its fine though, i have you now " we hug for another minute before jisung moves.

"come on you need to get home now " he gives me head pats and walks off. i turn back to the door and finish unlocking it, i walk up to my level and open the front door.

"dad im home ! " i look around "dad ? " i clear up the beer cans and throw what's inside the ashtray away "i guess he's asleep "
-

heyyyy ! here's a tiny reminder to go get something to eat(, even if it's just a bite its still progress ! )