guard you; jilix

when i drown in despair

HELLO: JOY

felix's pov
i sit next to jisung on the hill "can't believe summer is half way done " i hum in agreement while watching the sun slowly set. "felix i know we dont really talk about our families but, what happened and why do you live with your dad ? "

"you gotta spill the tea on your family if im doing this " i put my pinky finger out for jisung "pinky promise ? "

he links our fingers "pinky promise- omg your finger is so small and cute " i take my hand away from him.

"ok so my mum was a control freak. she hated it when things didn't go her way and made sure she knew everything, she wanted a girl so she was pretty furious when i came out a boy. when i was younger she wouldn't feed much hoping i would grow into a more small and more feminine body which what the fuck im pretty sure it doesn't work like that but i think she was just trying to save money and avoid buying too much food "

"that explains the hands " i hit jisungs shoulder but quietly laugh.

"she was pretty abusive towards my dad and sometimes to myself which wasn't fun and growing up i thought it was normal and ending up being covered with cigarette burns i have a feeling are still there, while growing up i was always closer to my dad and that really annoyed her so when i was eight she stabbed him in the leg and tried to run away with me luckily the police got to the house before we could leave so me and my dad left to korea. "

"oh wow wasn't expecting that " i hum while moving to lay my head on jisungs lap.

"there's a little more, so the day me and my dad were leaving we got a call that my mum killed herself but the worst thing about the situation was she was pregnant and it wasn't my dad's so that was a suprise but once we got to korea it was very down to stereotypes and alot of parents and some teachers very displeased that i couldn't speak the language, didn't have a mum and i was tan so it was really hard making friends it's also why i was dropped onto chan " jisung leans down and kisses my nose softly.

"im so proud of you, my little lixie is so strong " i smile.

"it's your turn i wanna know " jisung sighs and brushes the hair out of his face.

"it's not as dark as yours but i was born into a rich family, both of my parents made alot of money which was nice but it has its disadvantages like people only liking you for your money or everytime i wanted to spend time with family i was just given money which is probably why i didn't really have a close bond with either parent " jisung picks flowers and place them in my hair while he talks.

" but when my parents started arguing that's when things got interesting, they were competing in being my favourite parent which was really funny at first but then i realised how childish they were, i was about 9 maybe 10 when i asked them to stop being together thankfully they respect eachover enough to keep in contact with the other to be able to see me, i lived with my dad until he got remarried and moved back with my mum "

"wow i couldn't imagine someone wanting to spend money on me " jisung scoffs.

"ive tried but you won't let me it's not fair i just want to spend money on you " i smile while jisung complains "what you smiling at "

"nothing im just happy to be here with you " jisung smiles at me. "why are you smiling ? "

"you're just so cute "
..

"dad im home " i walk through the door instantly taking my shoes off and sitting in the kitchen while my dad washes the dishes.

"how did hanging out with jisung go " i smile remembering the day.

"it was nice we held hands and a few kisses but yeah it was very nice " my dad hums and starts drying the dishes.

"you like him don't you " he questions "don't change the subject "

"yeah i really like him " i look at my lockscreen, it's a picture of me kissing jisung on the cheek while he smiles with his arms around my waist.

"we need to talk about this " he tries to be serious "oh god i sound like a responsible parent but what do you like about him ? i want the negative and the positive " i blush trying to think of what to say.

"he's just jisung ? i really like him and um him " my dad stares at me waiting for me to continue "he's just warm and makes me feel soft and i really like his voice and his face and his hugs and his personality and his fashion and his- "

"ok that's really cute but i have a feeling this list is going to go on for another twenty minutes " i smile and look down.

"im just worried that he doesn't like me as much as i like him " my dad scoffs.

"didn't know my son was an idiot "

"dad i think i love him ?? what if he only likes me omg what if i say i love you and it makes him uncomfortable because it's way too early for that " my dad starts putting away the dishes.

"felix i may not know jisung to the level you do but i truly believe that he's deeply inlove with you "

"ok gonna go sleep now nightnight " i walk to my room, on my way i pick up my cat.
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very very very short one but i didn't add anything ! kinda cringe but oh well, gonna struggle with the last chapter