Together [BL]

5

I wake up to a very quiet place but not quite my room. The air conditioner is on and the room is very cold. I hear a beeping sound to my left, following the rises and falls of my chest.

My limbs are numb, and I can't even open my mouth to ask who is sleeping beside me.

When the room glows brighter, there's a knock on the door that is followed by a nurse. The person beside me raise his head in disarray. The nurse chuckles, "You can sleep on the couch here. Didn't I bring you blanket and pillows before my shift ended yesterday?"

"I... Um, I must've forgot," you answers as you move slightly away from me.

"You can stay by Leo's side. It's okay. You don't bother me at all." The nurse laughs and do a few procedures. "His heartbeat is still really weak, but he should be able to go home this afternoon. Just be very careful so that the doctor can write him off. He's also pregnant so be extra, extra careful."

I want to ask if I have a weak heartbeat, why and how, but even when my lips part no sound comes out.

"Yes. Will do."

"Alright. I'll leave you two be. Breakfast will be coming as soon as I leave."

And as soon as the nurse left, breakfast comes in like magic. I move my hand to take the cup of water first. You watch me struggle and giggle all by yourself like an idiot.

A sip is enough to free my tongue. Another sip free my voice from its rigid form.

"Let me have a drink as well. You make the water look so good," you take the water form my hands and drink it all.

I want to scold and be angry at you for drinking all of my water, but I resisted the unnecessary urge. I take the bag of utensils, salt and pepper, and a napkin, but is unable to ripe it open.

You laugh and open it for me.

"Will you be watching me eat? Shall we share?"

"Thank you, but I will have to decline. I'll just watch you eat. I'll have my breakfast in a bit when you're sleeping?" You sit with a smile on your face. The light in your eyes is soothing to be around, making me comfortable but conscious.

I look at you while eating my breakfast. I wander why you're kind and gentle to me in a way I can only dream of. What changed in you? Did the couple therapy work? But I don't remember what happened, only that we went. I don't even know how I got to the hospital.

"Does it hurt somewhere?" You lean in with furrowed brows.

Why are your brows always furrowed around me? Does my presence upset you?

"A little hard to breath," I answer after noticing my rapid breaths.

"Let's call the nurse—"

"I'm okay. Don't call the nurses, they must be busy."

You hide a chuckle and reaches a hand to wipe something from the corner of my lips, "But it's their job."

"But we don't have to make it harder for them."

"Harder for them, how? If I don't tell them, how are they supposed to know you're having difficulty breathing? What if not bugging them cause further complications down the line, hm? I can't afford to lose you again."

Your face is in front of mine. I can feel your warm breath against my skin. I see the expressions on your face but the sound of my fast heartbeat drowns out your words.

"Too close," I drop my utensils to push you away.

"Did I hear not close enough?" You wrap your arms around me and your lips rub against the skin on my neck.

"Too close. What if someone comes in?"

"What wrong if someone come in? Is seeing a man embracing his husband wrong and shameful? Of course not. I want the whole world to know I like embracing you like this."

Before I can retaliate, two nurses rush in, "What's happening! Is the patient conscious?"

I'm not too sure how you handle this situation but I lower my head to avoid seeing their flushed faces. My face feels like I go out under the sun in the middle of summer without sunscreen.

"We're having some fun. Did something happen?" You ask with a laughing voice and your arms still hold me tightly.

The nurses look at each other and some sort of understanding happen between them. They say a few more things to us, making sure I am okay, and then leave us alone.

You place your heavy head on my shoulder, "Let's stay like this for a bit. I won't be able to hold you like this after we divorced."

I want to ask you why you're being kind to me and call me your husband when you're continuing with the divorce. The only thing I can conclude from those words of yours is that your love for your lover is greater than what we had...

Soon, you let me rest and tell me that you're getting breakfast and will be back shortly.

But why is it that I feel more uncomfortable when you're away from me? Is it because I long for your warmth? Am I greedy for your love?

How is that possible? How does one even love someone one they barely know? How does one love someone who already has someone else in their heart?

It must be the scars you left with me that are acting up. The scars I can't remember. I must've love you at one point in my life. That must be why you have such a great influence over my heart. It's like you control every contraction, every expansion.

Then, what would I do when we let go of this knot we called marriage? Would my heart give up on me because it misses you? Ah, just thinking about it already has my heart wailing in agony.

Some time has passed when I get up to open the window and let some sun in. Again, I see a scene I've seen countless time before. Perhaps it's because I understand that I once love you that I notice this boiling almost overflowing sensation for the first time.

Your lover hooks his arms around your neck and his eyes meet up with mine. He snickers as his hands follow your shape up and down. I believe he is taunting me and somehow it is working. My stomach churns.

I quickly cover the window up again and take in a deep breath. I tell myself to not be concerned and distant myself from my emotions which I can't control. There is no point in being jealous when you're not mine anymore.

When will it be noon? I want to go back to the house already. I want to be in a place I know. I want to be in a place he can't bother me.