Together [BL]

8

I wake up, the air conditioner is on and the room is very cold. I hear a beeping sound to my left, following the rises and falls of my chest.

My limbs are numb, and I can't even open my mouth to ask who is sleeping beside me.

When the room glows brighter, there's a knock on the door that is followed by a nurse. The person beside me raise his head in disarray. The nurse chuckles, "Again? Didn't I bring you blanket and pillows before my shift ended yesterday?"

"I must've fallen asleep by accident," you rub your eyes and comb your bed hair with your fingers. Then you look at my face and frown.

"Leo's heart beats better now that you're beside him. You both should make up your differences and be together... Sorry, I'm being nosy. Let me quickly check up on Leo and I'll leave."

The nurse checks my vitals and asks how I'm feeling. She tells me that you're a good husband and I'm lucky before leaving. It's nice of her but I don't think us will happen.

This time around, due to all the machinery I can't even lift my upper body and sit-up. I can only lay down and avoid your presence.

"After breakfast, would you like to do anything?"

"I'll like to be alone," I answer.

"Yes, I'll give you some alone time but I'll be back before lunch."

I wants to say something back but I decide to not speak with you anymore than I need to. I'll ask the nurse later why I fainted and remove you from the visitors list.

Unfortunately, there are two trays and you eat beside me. I really don't have any appetite but you're eating a lot. I'm not sure if it's more than usual or this is how much you usually eat.

At last, you leave the room and I feel more free to breath and to think. And yet my thoughts still revolve around you. It is as if you're the center of my world.

The fake flowers are still beside me, looking lovely. I ask myself whether or not I am too harsh on you. I ask myself why you're around again.

What is this feeling? I am hungry but I don't want to eat anything here. I want something sweet, sour, spicy, especially spicy, a little bitter, and salty like fresh green mangoes dipped into a rich and spicy sauce. Yes, I want that.

Before you come back, the nurse removes the majority of the cords and wires that I'm hooked up to. I ask why I fainted.

"We're not fully sure yet, but we suspect that it's because of your spouse's presence."

Then I asked if you could be removed from my visitors list.

"We would love to respect your request, however, there are times in which we need to make decisions when you're unconscious. Unless you have other relatives that we can call upon?"

"No... Then it's fine."

You return shortly before the nurse leave. You both converse outside the room for a few minutes. When you walk in, your smile is brilliant like the snow under the sunlight outside.

"Do you hate me?"

I pretend to not have heard you and close my eyes to rest. You take my hand and whisper, "Is there anything I can do for you? I want you to hate me less."

At first, I plan on ignoring but I want fresh green mangoes with a spicy sauce on the side for dipping. I open my eyes, "I want to eat sour green mangoes."

"Yes! I'll get you sour green mangoes...? It's not the right season—I'll make it happen."

"Forget it. It's not the right season," I pull my hand away. "Don't you have a corporation and a lover to return to? Leave me alone already."

Your brows knitted together and the corners of your mouth drip down. It's an expression I've never seen on your face before. Is this face meant for me to see?

"I promise that I'll bring you sour green mangoes."

The wrinkles between your brows never ceases to go away—annoying. I use my thumb to smooth out the area, bringing out a bright smile on your face unexpectedly.

"Why did you stop? It felt good," you take my hand and place it back on your forehead. "That place's always has a sharp pain. Your touch alone put me at ease."

"It's because you're always furrowing your brows. If we're any older, the wrinkles won't go away," I say as I move my thumb about.

You wrap your arms around my waist and hums a sigh, "I miss you a lot. I wish we never fought and missed out on each other for he past six years."

My hand stops. I can feel the wetness of my eyes, the tear that fall, and the quivering sensation in my chest. Why is it that I too feel regret?

"It's okay. We can love each other more and makeup for the six years apart..."

I wipe away the tears and breath in deep breaths to calm the war drum inside my rib cage. My cheeks burn but I don't want to be vulnerable in front of you again. I've already promised myself.

"I want you to leave." I manage to muster those words without breaking any awkward pause or breath, making you look at me weird.

"Stay calm, Leo. I'll leave... I don't want to but I will because you asked me."

As soon as you left, I grab the little bump on my belly and the brooding anger and grief explodes. I remember what happened six years ago. I remember what happened twenty years ago.

How can I ever let you in again? I would be foolish to do so.