irresistible||larry

Part 5

April 20, 3:27 pm
two months before the collapse.

It's not about having time. It's about making it.

It's not about tomorrow. It's about an ethereal present. The future is a concept.

There is not such a thing as forever.

So, when Louis first found out about his mother terminal disease, he thought that life was too short, (And that life was a fucking hoe) and since then, he only saw her four times, and he hated that. She lived in Doncaster with Louis' sisters, since his father...well. Since his father wasn't really in the picture.

He missed her. Of course he did. But he couldn't risk her or his sisters getting involved in his job, someone might follow him there and then threaten him. He just couldn't loose them too. But in two days it was his mother's birthday. So he was packing his bags.

"L?"

He turned around, only to see his best friend looking rather sad.

"Did something happened?" He asked unsure.

"No just, James...James just told me the reason you're why leaving." Liam said as he closed the door and, okay. That was quite alarming.

"Of course you do, because it's my mum's birthday."

"No," Liam sat on the bed. "There's something else."

Okay, code red.

"No, there's not." Louis scoffed.

"L..." Liam looked at him with such a sad look. Fuck.

"Listen Li, I don't know what he told you but—"

"I'm so sorry." Liam said as he hugged him. But Louis didn't hug back.

"No Li, there's nothing to be sorry about, I'm just...going for her birthday." Jesus.

"Do you think she's gonna make it?" Liam asked and okay, fuck, he knows.

"I— she—. No...no, I don't." Louis rubbed his face. He knew that the tears wanted to run down his cheeks, but he couldn't let them.

"What happened?" Liam asked, but no, Louis was not gonna open up to him.

"She has leukemia." And why did he just say that? "She's...she's dying. I don't want her to leave me. I know it's coming and I'm trying to mentally prepare for that but I just can't imagine my life without her," He breathed. "I don't want her to leave my sisters, what are they gonna do," he took a breath. "Fuck. Why am I telling you this?"

"It's okay—"

"L the car arrived you should—" pause. "Are you crying?"

Great. Now Harry saw him too.

"I'm not," Louis declared getting up. "Thanks Li." and with that, he took his suitcase and left the room.

"Hey, wait." He turned around, only to see Niall standing there, and he couldn't resists to Niall. So he hugged him, and soon enough Liam arrived, and yes, he joined the hug. Followed by Zayn. And at first, Louis thought Harry wouldn't join. He didn't care. But then, he felt strong arms gripping on his back.

This was family.

"Take care yeah?" Liam whispered. Louis nodded. He was gonna take care.

He arrived to the front door, looked back, looked forward, and left. You see, this kind of things are always painful. You never know if you're gonna come back. The car ride was silent. Louis tried to sleep, but one thought kept him awake. He couldn't risk Liam telling anyone about this.

Anyone.

So he took out his phone and called him. He didn't answer. But Louis knew he couldn't wait, so he sent him a text, telling him to call him. Eventually he called back, and Louis took a deep breath before answering.

"Li."

"L," Liam spoke. "What's up? Did something happen?"

"No," Louis shook his head. "But don't tell anyone about it."

"What do you mean?"

"You know. About my mum."

There was a pause. "I won't."

"Thank you." he ended the call.

When he arrived, the house was empty. Every color that the spring had were left outside the house. It was like another universe. No one came to meet him, so he left his suitcase on the couch and went to his mother's room.

"Mum." he breathed.

"Lou." she smiled, but it was a weak smile, a tired smile, and it broke Louis' heart.

"How," Pause. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." she said. She lied.

"Oh, mum." Louis whispered and went to give her a hug. He missed her.

"How are you?" She asked.

"Mum," breath. "Happy birthday. I missed you." he whispered.

"Me too." she smiled. How could she even smile? Where did she get the strength to smile?Cause Louis didn't have any. And he wasn't the one who was sick.

"How have you been feeling mum?" He asked.

"Well."

"How are the girls?"

"Fine."

"Hey hey, please don't close your eyes" He begged, taking her face between his hands. "Open them for me."

"Sorry," She whispered. "I can't..."

Louis stared at her for a few seconds, her were eyes closed, her face pale. She was so fragile, he was scared he would break her. She seemed peaceful though. So he decided to let her sleep. Once he was out of the room, he went to look for his sisters. But they weren't there. Of course they weren't. They left her alone. At this point, living like this was useless.

He took his jacket, and funny enough, he left. Just outside. Needed some fresh air. He leaned against the wall, took out a cigarette, and stared at it. He could break it. He could. But then he would probably take out an other one. He didn't want to. He really didn't. But he needed it. Carefully, he put the cigarette in his mouth, and he light it up. For a moment, he just stood there, with the cigarette in his mouth, without actually smoking. Just watching the smoke leaving it and dissolving in the air.

Then, he finally started smoking. Enjoying every second of it. The first and last. Promise.
He closed his eyes, letting the smoke out of his mouth and, without noticing, he slowly sat in the ground.

He cried.

But he cried only when he was sure no one could see him. He cried silently, fearing that his mother would hear him. The only actual proof that he was crying, where the tears running down his cheeks and the red nose.

Once he finished the cigarette, he swallowed. But not just saliva. He swallowed fears, he swallowed emotions, he swallowed disappointments. He just kept everything inside.

He walked back in the house, and after checking on his mum, who was of course still sleeping, he went to take a shower. And yes, he cried again. But still, he cried silently and alone.