Love Grows (Love series: book 3)

Chapter 9.

Ella

I've hit twelve weeks in my pregnancy, we still haven't told anyone about the baby. We haven't even told Remi yet; I think we're both happy and excited about it. But it's also such a worrying time, I mean we safely know that it's not like last time, an ectopic pregnancy.

Because that normally happens around the 4th and the 12th week into the pregnancy, so far so good and we have had a reassurance scan when I was in my early weeks, just to make sure the baby was where it was meant to be, unfortunately, though it was still too early to hear the heartbeat.

But today is my twelve-week scan and hopefully today, we will hear the little one's heartbeat.

Scott is literally bouncing like a child at Christmas, and I can't blame him.

This is all new for him, he never had this with Remi, and I think that's why he's cherishing every moment he can off it. 

Which makes me want to cry all the time because I was the reason, he never got to experience this with Remi, and I'm also trying to not let the past overshadow our future. But how can it not?  With this pregnancy and with things so different from my pregnancy with her, I just have so many questions in my head. I mean what will Remi say years from now, when she's older and she really understands things.

Will she ask why there are pictures of her brother or sister as a baby with their dad, but not her. Will she ask why he wasn't there for those first years of her life?

Now that I am carrying this baby, I just feel like I failed her in some way.

"What are you thinking so hard about, beautiful?" I hear Scott's voice say.

Pulling my eyes away from the car window and towards him,

"I'm just remembering how nausea, I get when pregnant and, in the car," I half lied, because I am nauseous, this time around my morning sickness is a lot worse than it was with Remi.

"Shit! Are you okay, do you need me to pull over?" He asks in a panic. Letting out a small chuckle at the look on his face. 

"Relax babe, I'm fine. It's manageable" I reply still with the teasing smile on my face.

These last few weeks since telling him about the pregnancy, he has hovered over me to the point where it's great but getting annoying, I mean I love my husband and I get that this is all new for him, but I have done this before and just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I'm made of glass.

Even if Scott may think I am now.

"Are you nervous about the scan?" He asks me, just as he holds his free hand from the wheel out towards me, to take hold off.

"A little, but more than likely I will be nervous until the baby is here in our arms healthy" I admitted and grabbed his hand, just as he presses our entwined hands, softly to his lips and kisses my hand.

Before turning his attention back to the road ahead of us. 

"You and me both.... baby" He sighed gently; I know he's just as worried as I am.

"Tell me about the time you were pregnant with Remi? I've seen the scan photos and we've talked a little about it...but-;" Scott cut off, keeping his eyes on the road.

He's right I've told him a few things about the time Remi was born, like when, where, and all of that, but he doesn't know all those small moments, that are just as important as the big ones.

"It was normal, no complications. I couldn't stand the smell or the taste of bacon though, which is why I don't eat it anymore" I begin, as he keeps our hands joined together.

"For the first six months, my bump was tiny. I'm showing a lot more and faster with this one-"I placed my free hand on my very small bump.

This pregnancy is definitely different from my one with Remi, I wasn't as sick the first time around, I felt fresh and had a lot of energy.

With this little one, I'm tired a lot more, sick much more, and have more headaches, I mean to be fair Remi turned six years old last week, which marks six years since my last full-term pregnancy, so my body is just adjusting, I guess. But I know it will be worth it in the end when our baby is here with us.

"I can't wait to feel him or her kick for the first time" He smiles.

"Yeah, it's a magical feeling for the first couple of times, but it does hurt. Remi used to kick me in the ribs all the time".

The car goes silent when he says things like that all the guilt rushes back. And I know he doesn't see it like that, but if I would have just set aside my anger back then, maybe he could have been there for all of these moments with Remi.

Snapping out my thoughts when I feel the car come to a stop, looking out the window, to see us parked on the side of the road, nowhere near the clinic.

Throwing my eyes at Scott, to find him already staring at me.

"Why have you stopped the car?" I ask confused, we're going to be late for our appointment.

"Baby, I can practically hear your thoughts from where you are sitting. And I'm telling you to get those thoughts out of your head-;" He says to me, holding his stare.

"You're not a mind reader. How do you even know what I'm thinking" I muttered, just as he laughs a little and smiles at me.

"Because Elly, I know you. And I know right now your probably feeling guilt, about Remi".

"No, I'm not"

"Liar...Ella I'm going to say this once. It's okay, you shouldn't have to feel guilty about the past, because-;" He cuts off and cups my face in his hands, looks me deep in the eyes.

"The choices made back then, it all brought us to this road. Together, in love and growing our family.... baby I wouldn't change a god damn thing about our past because it brought you back into my life" He adds while brushing his thumb under my eye to wipe a lone tear.

Just as he kisses me tenderly with so much love and affection. 

"I love you..."

"I love you too, now let's go and see our baby".

Nodding my head and smiled at him, just as he starts the engine back up.

And we head towards our destination, with our hands entwined.