The boy underneath the stars // H.J + L.M

Chapter 29

"Ready?"

Felix squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head violently.

"I'm scaaareeedd, how does it look?"

I chuckle, "you're gonna have to open your eyes if you want to see the results Lix."

The boy hesitantly opens one eye, still keeping the other one closed shut. When he gets a glimp of his hair his other eye immediately shoots open.

A big smile breaks through on his face as he inspects his reflection in the mirror closely. Touching his hair as if it's not real.

"You like it?" I stand behind him, resting my hands on the boy's shoulders.

Felix turns around, nodding eagerly. His eyes sparkling and an enormous grin covering his face. "I love it!!"

I smile as I look at the result, proud of my achievement. The colour turned out to be a bit lighter than expected, but it suits the boy well. It makes him look almost pure. It's a deep caramel brown, gleaming from the bathroom lights shining on it, the same colour as his freckles, now visibly standing out on his pale skin.

"Thank you Sungie."

I ruffle hair playfully. Helping him up from the counter.

"No need to thank me Lixie, I enjoyed doing it."

———————————-

I turn my phone of, 5:36am. I sigh as I lie down on the bed, staring at the ceiling and folding my hands behind my head.

It became a routine, I go to bed at around 11. Then try to sleep for an hour, when it doesn't work I'll pick up my phone, listening to music and writing lyrics for the rest of the night.

I used to not be able to sleep. I can now, I just don't want to. I don't want to hear them again, screaming at me that I'm not worthy. I don't want them to convince me again. I don't want to fall back again.

So I don't sleep, I write. I write until my eyelids get heavy, I keep writing until I physically can't take it anymore. Until I can't seem to keep my eyes open and can't hold my phone up anymore.

Until the thudding headache gets so big that I have to close my eyes.

It works like this, it's a routine. After I finally put my phone away I'll listen. I'll listen to the silence surrounding me. Nothing to be heard. Nothing except for the quiet whispering of the wind.

I'll listen to the thoughts gather up inside my head. I'll listen to their voices. I gave up on blocking them out, it's useless. They'll break through anyways. Instead, I started actually listening to them. Following their advice. They make the loneliness disappear for a moment, they're always there.

I'll make it to the next day with around one or two hours of sleep most of the time. It's just enough for me to be able to psychically get through the day. But not enough for the dreams to return. It works like this.

5:40am

I sigh, finally giving in to the tiredness pulling everywhere on my body. It should be safe now. It's just one hour until I have to get up.

My eyes are heavy, my arms are heavy, my legs, my chest. Everything is heavy. I give in, getting sucked into another night of dreamless sleeping. Just as planned.

_________

I'm humming softly, pouring the steaming coffee in the mug. Smiling when two arms appear around my waist.

"Morning Lix."

He nuzzles his nose in my neck.

"Mmh, morning."