Chapter 25

1.6K 70 145
                                    


"Why would you not want to fall in love?"
I ask him, looking at the boy in disbelief.

"Easy, I don't want my happiness to depend on whether a person gives me their attention or not. I don't want to stay up late wondering whether they're thinking about me. I don't want to cry over someone who may not care. I don't want to stare at my phone screen waiting for a text, and most importantly, I don't want to give anyone the power to destroy me."

I stare at him in shock, blinking a few times, then frowning.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks.

I look up at him, eyes sad, hopeless.

"I'm wondering, what on earth has someone ever done to you to destroy your trust in humanity so badly..."

The sad feeling in my chest changes into annoyance, anger even?

"...I hate the way you look at this, i get it, feelings are scary. You're scared of getting hurt and it's not easy to trust other people...but what about the good sides?"

I intertwine our fingers, watching him desperately before continuing "I know you think it's wasted time, but I don't think about it like that."

"I look back at all this time I liked you, and I don't regret a thing about it. I love seeing you happy. I love making you smile, sharing my thoughts with you and laughing over silly things.."

A tear now escapes my eye, and he reaches up to wipe it away. Keeping his hand rested on my cheek after. I look down, playing with his fingers.

"Aren't you incredibly lonely?" I look up at him, eyes pleading, and my heart aches from seeing him like this, careless, numb.

He shrugs.
"I- I guess it's just better to stay lonely forever than get hurt.. I don't know, I'm used to shutting out my feelings, it's the only way to survive"

I bite my lip in frustration, then grabbing his wrist, taking his hand down from my face.

"Why did you kiss me then huh?"

He looks up in shock, "w-what?" I groan loudly. He's still pretending it never happened.

"Why did you make me think I had a chance? Why did you fool me like that? you being scared of getting hurt doesn't mean you have to hurt me instead!"

I'm screaming now, tears streaming furiously down my face.

"You can't just keep pretending it didn't happen! Because guess what? It did! You keep being nice to me, say things that make me think you might like me, but then you go on saying we're just friends! We're not just friends Seungmin, and you know it."

His eyes turn soft, regretful. And just as I'm about to walk away he stops me, holding me tightly by my wrist. "What do you want?!" I snap, trying desperately to break free from his grip.

He only holds me tighter, forcing my head into his chest. Hugging me tightly, finally letting the tears escape his eyes. Im squirming in his grip, but he doesn't let me go.

"You're right." He tells me, causing me to stop protesting, waiting for an explanation.

"I've treated you wrong, and I hate myself for it. But you've got to understand, I have in no way fooled you. I really do like you, I love spending time with you and listen to you whining about your friends, I love your constant teasing-" He pauses, chuckling softly.

"-it's just that.. Jinnie," He takes a deep breath.

"I'm scared of love. What if it doesn't work out? What if I spend all this time for nothing and look back realising I've wasted my time? I'm scared of making the wrong choices and devoting my life to someone, not knowing what will happen, or how they will react. I'm scared of being dependent of anyone but myself."

He confesses, holding his breath, waiting for my reaction.

He freezes when i wrap my hands around his waist tightly. I look up from his chest, gazing into his eyes.

I then gently bring my hand up, He flinches when I touch his cheek, wiping the still spilling tears away.

"Let me learn you how to love." I whisper.

"Let me show you it's not just bad stuff, let me learn you to have fun, without constantly thinking everything will go wrong. Let me show you how it is to be loved." I look at him, eyes desperate.

He moves his hand up to my cheek, cupping my face, making me lean into his touch. He looks unsure, but nods. A smile breaks through the tears on my face. And he moves closer, leaning our foreheads against each other. I sigh, closing my eyes. Our hands intertwine, and we sit there in silence for a while. Enjoying each other's presence.

"I'm scared Jinnie." Seungmin whispers, and I smile slightly.

"I know, but I'm going to help you. We're going to take it slow, no expectations."

He chuckles softly, "gosh you're too good for me." I put my finger over his lips, shutting him up. "Hush."

I open my eyes, meeting his gaze.

"What?" I ask.

He chuckles softly. "Well.. since we worked out our feeling for each other.. I guess I'm free to do this."

He quickly pecks my lips, just for a second. But it's enough to make the butterflies in my stomach burst. I stutter, looking at him with wide eyes. "W-where did that come from?"

He smiles, "I've been wanting to do that ever since I kissed you at that party." He only makes my cheeks go more red, and I hide my face in his chest. He chuckles, patting my head playfully.

"You want to stay over?"

I look up at him, surprised. "Are you sure? Isn't that too soon?"

He shrugs, "I don't think so, besides, you wanted to show me the good stuff right? This seems pretty good to me."

I giggle, "okay!!"

——————————-

I don't know what just happened-
I was planning on making them fight but now they're... dating?

I confuse myself sometimes

Or, all of the time actually

The boy underneath the stars // H.J + L.MWhere stories live. Discover now