"Mmh 'kay, bye hyung, I love you."
Before Minho has any time to answer, Jisung hangs up the phone.
He doesn't know why, but for some reason he doesn't want to hear Minho tell him he loves him.
It feels wrong, like he doesn't deserve it or something.
He feels so... guilty?
No actually, it seems like he can't feel anything at all. It's like he feels bad for not caring at all, about anything.
He feels so numb lately. Its frustrating, and tiring.
He can't seem to keep up with his own emotions. It's constantly switching from going absolutely crazy from the screaming inside of his head, to begging for it to come back, because it's better than the deafening silence.
Because the silence is too loud.
It's constantly either caring too much about literally everything.
Or not being able to care about anything at all and feeling bad about that.
It's driving him crazy.
Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?
That thought has been bugging Jisung lately.
It feels like he's supposed to move on with his life, he's wasting time. But how is he supposed to?
Should he just continue to live, and have fun? After everything that happened, is he supposed to pretend to be normal, just like the others? How the hell is he supposed to do that when the thing that's stuck on his mind 24/7 is the blank expression in Wooyoung's dead eyes?
It's so goddamn frustrating how that's all he can see but he can't even figure out how he feels about it. He can't even feel bad about it, specifically. The thought is just always there.
Killer
Freak
Psychopath
He knows what he did. He killed someone, and still? The thing he was most scared of was being sent to prison.
Selfish
Insensitive
Freak
Sometimes he loses control over himself. Over his thoughts, his actions.
Like he's in some sort of trance, disconnected from reality.
It scares Jisung.
Who knows what he's able to do. Who knows what he will do. To others, or himself.
'I'm worried about you.' Everyone said.
Yeah, he's worried about himself too.
Pathetic
Attention seeker
Burden
He can't say it out loud though, the others are going through enough.
YOU ARE READING
The boy underneath the stars // H.J + L.M
Fanfiction"Are you okay?" He swallowed, blinking repeatedly to stop the tears from escaping his eyes. "Yeah, yeah I'm okay." The older looked at him, then without a word he took him in an embrace, holding him close. "I know you're not." 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧�...
