When I look at you

Chapter 27: Threw it away

ARIAS POV:
Instead of driving out of this small town I found myself on the side of the road screaming and hollering and throwing up. I got back in the car turned around and drove to his apartment. I got the key from under the mat opened the door to find him gone. Everything seemed to be in boxes almost. I saw a book laying there I started to read it. It was all his research. And notes and thoughts. I threw it across the room as I read notes about me. "Aria Montgomery: tends to be attracted to more older men. Possibly juggling multiple relationships at one time?"
Reading those words hurt considering I never once cheated on him for the past year. I defended him towards my friends and family and he threw it all away over this. What is this al even about. He claims he was falling for me as I read these notes and that it was becoming hard to write these things but he still did. I started flipping tables destroying dishes smashes vases and breaking things. I saw the picture of us in the cupboard I grabbed the lamp and smashed the window to grab it and throw it across the room. I found my self ripping posters and tossing all his papers everywhere. I found my self sitting on broken glass. I didn't mind the feeling considering I couldn't feel the pain. I heard someone coming as much as I wish it was ezra to come and tell me this was all a dream it wasn't it was the girls. They all came to help me out and take me home and to listen to what went wrong. I felt horid considering I didn't listen to spencer I ignored her she said he was A for so long. I didn't want to go home. I went to Spencer's and they all say and listened to what happened I explained everything. I left as soon as I was done and told them not to follow me. I decided to go home. But home wasn't home where my parents where home was always where he was and I didn't have him anymore. I couldn't do anything I didn't want to be with my parents. I didn't want to be with my friends. I didn't want to be anywhere. I was lost. For the past 9 months of being with him through the ups and downs we always came back together. I wanted to know where the lies end and the truth begins. But I couldn't because he was A. I wanted to know why he used me. I went home to my parents. It was 6am when I came in. My dad was getting ready to leave for Syracuse and offered for me to go for perspective students week and I needed to leave. I went with him. The week flew by ignoring calls and drinking away the pain with a boy I met. He stayed in my hotel with me for that whole week he brought me back to life. He held my hair as I threw up in the morning. He just didn't know what or why I was there. On the last day we were sitting at the lake. He asked what happened I just told him a stupid guy had my heart and just you know threw it away. He kissed my forehead. He gave me his number and I told him to find me if he's ever in rosewood and he was off. I got in the car with my dad to go back to rosewood the day before graduation. I got home and fell asleep. I woke up from a nightmare only it wasn't it was a happy dream. I woke up to a flashback of the day we met. Me and ezra anyways and then I was running towards a trash can to throw up. All the pain I got rid of for a week with a boy I didn't realize how much I was hiding. You know sometimes opening your eyes may be the most painful thing you'll ever have to do. I saw the picture of ezra and me in my room. I picked it up and I tried to throw it but couldn't. I hate seeing him because he brings back all the feelings I tried so hard forgetting.

EZRAS POV:
I woke up to a numb feeling. I didn't ever expect to feel this kind of loss. I swear I loved her. I loved her so hard I forgot to hate myself I even began to get out of bed earlier everyday instead of not at all just to see her lovely face. I was so busy falling in love with her I didn't even notice all the broken pieces in me were forming back together. I was trying so hard to impress her I cleaned up my mess of a life. Maybe it wasn't spotless but it was enough for her. She made me get better God did she make me get better. She made me feel things I didn't think I'd ever be able to feel again. I loved her so much. Sometimes I knew she might find out but I was never prepared for how it'd feel. It sucks because you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. But I was always told I'll never experience real loss. But I have because it only occurs when you've loved someone more than you love yourself.

ARIAS POV:
See I trusted him. I told him everything about me. I told him my flaws, my imperfections and he used them against me. He judged me. And now I keep telling myself I should've trusted my gut. I shouldn't have trusted him. I messed up a lot. It's not the goodbye that hurts but the flashbacks that follow. It sucks because I'm. Just sitting next to this toilet throwing up every two seconds and he's perfectly fine because he didn't love me. Love is horrible. It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside. You build up al these defenses. You can build a whole suit of armour, so nothing can hurt you. Then this stupid person just comes along who's no different than anyone else and he just wanders into your stupid life and then you just give them a piece of you. No he didn't ask for it. He did something dumb one day. He fell off his bike. He did something stupid and smiled at me. Then he picked me up and spun me. Then on another stupid day we kissed. Then my life wasn't my own anymore. Love took hostage. It got inside of me. It eats the inside to the outside of you and leaves you crying in complete darkness. But I mean in the end I'm just a stupid girl drunk on the idea that only love can heal my brokenness all over again. I think the saddest part was seeing he thought he had ali pregnant and wanted her dead. We're all born in one day. We die in a day. We can change in a day. And I fell in love in just one day. Anything happens within a day and now I'm the one dying on the inside. My mom keeps telling me "you'll love again because time heals a broken heart." I don't Believe it. But lately what I've been crying the most about is myself. The person I used to be and lost and the person in the present who has no clue about what she's doing tomorrow. If she'll even make it till tomorrow at that. Some days I think about dying. Here I am a week later still crying and throwing up. I needed to speak to ezra.

EZRAS POV:
I'm finally coming back to rosewood hoping to see Aria. I just need to see her face hear her voice. Why did I throw it all away over something so stupid?