When I look at you

Chapter 31: letting go

ARIAS POV:
"Yes." I said. My eyes lit up because I saw ezra walk out of here and I didn't expect myself to say that. I didn't mean too. Wait I thought it was Ezra. No what's happening? I felt sick and dizzy. I saw hanna and spencer and Emily's faces. I didn't just do this. He picked me up and spun me around. Everyone clapped. As much as I wanted to run after ezra I couldn't knowing everything he's done and didn't care for me. He finally put me down. We walked off stage and back to our seats. It was finally over and he found me in the midst of things. I told him we needed to talk this through I don't know if I'm ready. He said okay talk later and walked away. My parents came up to me finally. I ran to my mom crying. "Mom I made a horrible mistake. I wanted and pictures it was him but it wasn't and now I regret mom please help me." I scream into her chest. She pats my head. I pull away and walk out of the place. I decided to walk around and walk home. I found myself walk myself to ezras.

EZRAS POV:
Those words felt as splinters. I drank my cup of whiskey as I looked at our picture sitting in that cupboard. As I saw that little small box I thought about so many times opening just for her. With that ring in it. She danced away with my heart that first time. From the first kiss. She kissed me in the moonlight. Laying there with her so close to me hiding my feelings. I was caught up in her smile. But maybe in 10 years I'll bump into her. I'll say hi. I'll ask how her life is. She'll tell me about her husband and kids. But when she does it'll break my heart. Not because I didn't want her to be happy that's all I ever wanted but because 10 years ago I always pictured someone asking how her life was and her telling them about me. But I screwed this all up. Perhaps we'll meet again when we're better for eachother. But it disappears as soon as I blink. Her laugh helped me breathe espically when my lungs felt like they were giving up. I mean I had dreams before her and plans. Now she's in my dreams plans and goals and stuff. I think about her before i fall asleep. The words she said, the way she looked. The things we laughed about. The silent moments we had. And when I dream it'll be about her. Because it's about her it's always been about her.. She's moving on and I need to let go.

ARIAS POV:
I finally realized the problem with fairy tales staring at this place. I realized they set girls up for disappointment in real life the prince always goes off with the wrong princess. But now he's just a stranger with all my secrets. Why did I wander here? Maybe because I was too use to him being my home. When someone asked for my address I almost said his name before. But I realized you need to love yourself as much as you hope someone else will. I got a text. "Aria I know your not over him so quit saying you are are you okay?" Em said.
A sent me a text as well. I ignored it because it's ezra and ali. I waked away from his apartment and went on. I decided to see Sam and explain to him I'm not ready to commit yet. But that im going to California tomorrow so we couldn't give it another try. I was finally leaving this town. I wanted to pack up everything and take ezra with me but couldn't. I got half a mile away sat on a curb and texted the words "I'm over him." What i really meant was; he still makes me smile when I see him even though what he did. I still pray for him to love me once more. I still wish for him at 11:11 like any little girl who still believes in those. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I cry because I realize he'd rather give it up for her and start over with her. I think about what we could've had and what I want in the future. I still think of him 24/7 . I'm still in love with him. I'm still in pain. It's finally how much you can hide behind a smile. Goodbye is such a painful word and I just wish it didn't hurt. I still want him and love him with everything I have and everything I am. He was my first everything. When people tell me he doesn't deserve me I think to myself he does. And I even catch myself thinking I didn't deserve him and that's why he left me for her. I know it's not right. Im so jealous of ali the girl he's in love with now. I still wish it was me. I still have his number in my phone and I asked myself why I didn't delete it and I want to cal it and here his voice so bad but I can't. I haven't deleted the messages either I sometimes read them and think about how happy I was. I still have his picture in my room and in my phone and I'm just so not over him. A love like that isn't easily forgot. I loved him more than words could show. Think about him. More than he'll ever know until forever this will be true because there's no one I'll ever love like I loved him. When I first met him I hardly payed any attention like he completely surprised me. I wasn't even like paying attention to how attractive he was. But as I got know him i felt myself falling. He was once nothing then he was my everything and once again nothing. All of the sudden he was the most beautiful person I've ever met. It's funny looking back. But I dated Sam for 3 years and never loved him as much as I loved ezra and I don't think I ever will. But I need to let go.