Blurred Clarity| Yoongi (SUGA) Oneshots

All This Pain and All These Sorrows~

18.8k words. Sope!

(Warnings! Child Neglect, Mild Child abuse, Medical Malpractice, mentions of blood drawing, mentions of suicidal thoughts/actions/attempts, medical electrocution, fighting, suspense-y, implied/referenced eating disorders)

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Min Yoongi was not insane.

He had Dissociative Identity Disorder. Yoongi wasn't the cause of his own disorder. He had a stressful and unfortunately pressuring childhood that was highlighted by some poor decisions which made him appear like a worse person than he actually was.

Min Yoongi was born the third and last kid to his parents. His two older brothers were named Daeshim and Hyunki, who were six and five when he was born. That left them with a large age gap between the two of them and Yoongi. By the time he was five years old he was able to play fun games, and wanted to hang out with his brothers, but they were eleven and ten. They didn't want to associate with their tiny and immature little brother.

He wished that he'd had a closer relationship to them, they seemed cool. His oldest brother was the best goalie on his soccer team an placing mid in his classes, his other brother was a great singer like his father. They were nice and Yoongi often wished he was older so he'd have more to talk about when he hung out with them.

Yoongi had always heard that the middle child was always the most disliked or the most neglected in the family, that'd never been the case with them though.

Yoongi was pushed hard. He was pushed much harder than his brothers. He was always encouraged to be the best at everything, do whatever it takes to get to the top and stay there.

His mother didn't say that he had to dance like she did, but she heavily implied the idea. So from age 5, Yoongi started dancing, even though he hated it. Dancing wasn't fun to him, it wasn't something he could get into doing and it wasn't something he was emotionally attached to. He felt obligated to go because his mother wanted him to do it, every class Yoongi felt like he was being made a target.

"BEND YOUR ARM MORE YOONGI"

"SPEED UP"

"TURN YOUR FOOT OUT MORE"

"GET YOUR LEG UP HIGHER"

His dance instructor was constantly yelling at him. He knew that dance was a demanding and competetive sport, but was his instructor supposed to hit him when he couldn't get a move down properly? When Yoongi was stretching was he supposed to force his legs down further into splits he couldn't do? It wasn't his fault he wasn't flexible.

Was his arm supposed to be wrenched so hard that it dislocated and had to pop back into place?

He had tried to tell his mother about the issues he was having with his instructor, but he didn't even get to say anything before he was shot down. "I'm sure that he's just trying to get you to do your best. You know that dance is difficult, and he's just making sure that he has the best people on the team".

So he would suck it up, and keep dancing, keep dancing for his mother and father.

Piano wasn't fun either, but what was he expecting? He never found classical music interesting, but he was being expected to enjoy piano classes? Both his brothers took piano, but they were allowed to bail out eventually. Yoongi was forced to take lesson after lesson on piano, listen to that stupid repetitive metronome tick and tick and tick until it rung in his ears and was ingrained in his brain.

School wasn't any better. He was expected to be the top of his class. He could always do better, he could always improve. What did it matter that he got an A if it wasn't a 100? So what if he got the highest test score, it wasn't perfect so who cared? He often thought back to the day in third grade when he'd come home holding a test score. It was on area and perimeter of squares. He'd scored the highest in the class. He'd gotten an 85% and his teacher was so impressed she put a smiley face on the top of his paper.