Let me in

Chapter 9 : Nothing to worry about.

It's becoming a regular thing. With Olivia. With cocaine.

He ends up craving, needing, as much of one as the other.

But he's careful. He keeps things under control.

It only happens on weekends. On Saturdays. And sometimes, when he refuses to go to Eddie's house, pretending he's tired or has things to do, on Fridays too. Because he doesn't work the next day; he'll never risk starting his shift high. And when he drops by Bobby and Athena's for the usual Sunday dinner, he's full of energy.

It's a good routine. Better than what he used to do when he was younger.

With Olivia, too, things are under control. Or at least she keeps them under control. He lets her do it. And he's fine with that.

As the days and weeks go by, Buck feels better. He sleeps better, has fewer nightmares; the week because he's too exhausted and the weekends because he's too high.

His parents haven't really tried to contact him either. There was that one time they stopped by Maddie and Chimney's house for coffee while he was there, but they exchanged a few words for show and ignored each other the rest of the time as agreed. That was the only time they saw each other.

Buck thought it was strange, having them stick around for so long. He was pretty sure it was hiding something. But he didn't really think much more about it. As long as they stayed more or less away from him, the rest didn't matter.

But he was never a lucky person so, obviously, not everything stayed so calm and peaceful.

He eventually learns that his parents want to invite Maddie over for dinner this Sunday and she's hesitant because she doesn't want to miss their Sunday dinner but doesn't want to turn down their parents' offer either. He then learns that Athena and Bobby, like the two kind and welcoming people they are, have offered to invite their parents to join them.

When Maddie asks him if this is something that bothers him, he feels like throwing up.

Yet there's a smile stretching his lips and a voice that doesn't even sound like his own that replies;

"It's not a problem. I think it's a good idea."

Maddie's smile in response is so grateful that it reminds him why it's all worth it.

But then Sunday comes and his parents are there. In Bobby and Athena's backyard. And they show up, they smile, they talk... With the people who are his family. His real family. And he feels like throwing up again.

He doesn't like it. He doesn't like to see them blend in, to see them accepted when their smiles and jokes are just a fucking charade, to see them viciously insert themselves into his routine, into his life.

His colleagues, his friends... These are good people. They are loving and loyal and kind and so, so amazing.

His parents, on the other hand, are bad. They are vicious and sneaky, arrogant and hypocritical. He hates it so much when they pretend, so they can slip in where they don't belong. He doesn't want them near his family. He doesn't want them to talk to them. He doesn't want them to talk to them about him. About Evan. About who he used to be.

He tries to keep a straight face, leaving a smile plastered on his face most of the time. But he listens, from near and far, to everything that is said. He's on guard, ready to step in if they say something he doesn't want others to know.

But they don't do any of that. No, instead, they tell a few memories and anecdotes about him and Maddie as kids. If he told them from his or Maddie's perspective, they would be quite different.