Let me in

Chapter 10 : Juste once.

The days go by. The weeks go by.

And Buck sinks into this chaotic but painfully good rhythm of life.

He knows how it works. It's better before it gets worse. It's liberating before it becomes oppressive. It doesn't stop him from continuing. It pushes him to go further.

Where Olivia used to come in late on Saturday night, she now comes much earlier in the day and leaves much later in the night. Sometimes, when he can't seem to keep it down, he asks her to come on Friday afternoons as well. And she always does. Sometimes he meets her at a party where she is busy selling.

But no matter where they are, their occupations don't change.

They do nothing but fuck and get high.

He doesn't even make a real effort to lie to Eddie anymore when he asks him to go out or comes over and Eddie never insists, never questions his lame excuses either and maybe that's for the best.

Maybe Eddie has finally agreed to leave him alone like he asked him to do during the last dinner at Bobby and Athena's.

Maybe that's why he needs more distraction too.

To not have to think about the fact that, even though he wanted to and started it, seeing him walk away hurts excruciatingly.

Whatever.

Olivia helps him think about something else, and she never forgets to bring his new best friend with her.

They never see each other without her bringing back some of the white powder they're both dying for.

It helps.

It helps a lot, in the moment.

It helps to forget about Eddie, who he thinks about constantly, for a moment. It helps to forget about his parents, who he struggles to face whenever he has to, for a moment. It helps to forget the bitterness and guilt that twists his head and heart every time he lays eyes on his sister's bouncing belly, for a moment. It helps to forget about the nightmares that seem to be getting worse and worse, for a moment. It helps to forget what a messy, painful mess his head, his life, is, for a moment.

And it doesn't matter if it all comes back stronger the next day, because he knows he'll only have to hold out for a short week before he can forget everything again.

"You're so fucking hot like that." Olivia's voice is low and teasing, like the smile that stretches the corners of her lips.

He smiles too, licks his lips, and doesn't even wince when his tongue catches some of the blood that's dripped from his nose and stopped at the edges of his lips.

He's too focused on the hand wrapped around his throat, nails digging into his skin and hips undulating against him, to pay attention.

It seems they're always in way too much of a hurry, because they never end up fully naked, and this time they didn't even make their way to the couch. 

Buck never took her to his room, to his bed. It seemed too much... too much. Olivia never complained about it. Not when they could do it anywhere else.

Like here, on the kitchen counter where Buck lies, his bare back pressed against the icy marble and her, sits on his thighs, one hand firmly around his throat while the other tries to unbutton the jeans he hasn't had a chance to remove yet.

The hand on his neck disappears just long enough for her to remove her own shirt and unzip Buck's jeans. He ends up gripping her bare hips with as much fervor as Olivia has to grip his arm with her free hand when she starts undulating against him again.