Let me in

Chapter 13 : To be in pain.

"You'll get wrinkles if you keep this up."

Hen's voice pulls Eddie from his thoughts.

He looks up, realizes he's been unconsciously frowning for a while, and lets out a slight sigh.

Hen smiles tenderly at him, sits down next to him on the couch, enjoying a little respite before the alarm sounds again.

"Is Buck's unexpected leave bothering you?"

Eddie opens his mouth, about to deny it, but gives up when he meets Hen's gaze.

It's obvious to everyone, anyway...

So he nods slightly, arms crossed against his chest, biting the inside of his cheek nervously.

"It's worrying me too, you know?" She answers softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "But if he chose not to warn us... Then he probably has his reasons. I'm sure he--"

"With me, it's different." Eddie interrupted, and he didn't want to sound so sour, but... With him, it's different.

That Buck would take his leave without warning the others, he understood.

But without telling him ? He can't take that.

It's silly.

But they're used to telling each other everything.

Why did Buck choose to keep him out of this decision ?

Eddie can't help but think about it. He's worried.

Buck taking time off right after floundering during an intervention?

That's not a good sign.

Eddie's afraid he'll torture his mind with it, afraid he won't come back, afraid he'll... He can't even think about it.

Every time he thinks about the blood dripping from his nose, his dilated pupils that don't even show the color of his eyes anymore, his wild, distant look... He feels a vicious anger seeping through his veins and making him clench his fists, and he wants to hit something.

He's so angry.

Not at Buck.

He doesn't even know who to be angry at.

At the people responsible, maybe, if there are any? At Maddie and the almost casual way she admitted it to him. At himself for not having understood sooner. Against Bobby, for having allowed him to take this leave. And also... Maybe also against Buck, for not trusting him enough.

It's stupid, and unfair, he knows that.

But that's how he feels.

"I know." Hen replies, snapping him out of his thoughts once more.

She's about to add something but already the alarm sounds and they rush to suit up and climb into the truck, the seat next to Eddie remaining empty.

[...]

Eddie presses his palms against his closed eyelids, exhausted from a long shift.

He drove straight here, because he couldn't wait any longer to see Buck.

And he wanted to give him time, not to feel like he was watching him relentlessly.... But it's not time that Buck needs, he needs support.

Eddie won't wait another day.

He needs to see Buck.

Heaving a deep sigh, he gets out of the car, relieved to see Buck's parked in the building's parking lot.