Deeply Devoted - A JeanxMarco AU

Trying

Jean's POV:

I paced around the small room.  My hands ran through my hair, my fingers trembling with anger.  

"You were cheating on me for years," my voice cracked as I yelled, not making eye contact with Emily or the therapist we both agreed to go to.  

"Jean, I told you I was sorry," my fiance spoke quietly from the couch, but I felt her eyes watching me.

"You ruined our relationship, Emily," I spat back, "you destroyed what we had when you decided to sleep with my coworker..."

"How do you think I feel that you were sleeping with a man while we were broken up?"  She rebutted quickly after I brought Floch into the conversation.

"Don't you dare bring him into this," I stopped dead in my tracks and pointed my finger at her, sneering through my teeth.  I began feeling cramped in the small space, my clothes on my body starting to irritate me.  

"I was crying over you for weeks while you were hooking up with some guy," she clenched her jaw as I stared at her, the couples counselor just listening to us yell at each other.  "I tried for so long to get a hold of you..."

"I wish you didn't!"  I brought my shoulders up, "I was so fucking happy, Emily."  My hands clenched by my sides, tears starting to pour out of my eyes.  "Jesus fucking christ," I muttered as I pulled at the necktie to loosen it around my neck, feeling suffocated by it.  

"I'm carrying our child, Jean..."  

"You think I don't know that?"  I started pacing again, wiping my face with the sleeve of my dress shirt.  "That baby is the only reason why I'm here!"  

"You don't love me anymore?"  Her voice was quiet, breaking as she spoke.

"No," I responded honestly, "I don't love you, Emily.  I fell out of love with you a long time ago."

"Then why did you stay with me?"  

I walked in circles around the confined space, anger building up even more in my chest, "Why did you stay with me when you could've been with Floch?  If you hated me enough, why didn't you leave?  Why didn't you end it instead of making me suffer through?"

She went quiet, now looking down at her hands.  

"Why did you stay with me, huh?"  I walked up to her, furious with the situation.  "Did you enjoy the thrill of not getting caught?  Was it fun for you to know you were destroying our relationship?  That you were destroying my trust, my love, my entire being?"

"Jean, that's enough," the counselor spoke, but I kept going.

"Did you enjoy riding another guys dick while that ring sat on your finger?  Do you want to know what that symbolizes?"  

"Jean, stop."  

"Trust, commitment, loyalty, dedication... love...  We devoted ourselves to each other.  I devoted myself to you for what?  For what, Emily?  Tell me why you accepted my offer with such grace when you knew there was another factor to the equation?"  

"Jean!"  The counselor scolded, finally taking me out of my release of emotions.  

I looked up at him and muttered, "Sorry."  

He turned to Emily, "How do his words make you feel?"  

She ignored the question, her eyes plastered on me standing in front of her.  

"Was it more than just hook ups?"  

"What?"  My eyebrows furrowed again, the resentment rising again.