Let me love you | Merluca

18 - communicate

...

They were at Joe's bar for some time now. And Meredith had to admit that she missed those evenings with her friends. It was good to be around them, even when they could make her go crazy sometimes. She loved them and was grateful to have them by her side.

She was about to get a drink when she heard Amelia next to her "I heard an interesting on-call room story today."

"I do not know what you are talking about."

"You do." Maggie appeared on her other side. Did they plan this?

"We were laying down in an on-call room together. That's all, okay?"

"They were curled up next to each other. Meredith laying in his arms." Maggie added for Amelia with a big smile on her face.

"I'm still here." Meredith answered annoyed while she tried to hide her face from them, blushing at the comment and the memories.

"All we want to say is that... If it feels good, don't let your fears hold you back from something good. I'm sure every single person you lost would want to see you happy again, including Derek." Amelia added more sincerely, giving her a small encouraging smile.

"Thank you, I guess." She answered, taking a sip from her drink before she found a small honest smile forming on her lips as well.

And then she saw Andrew coming in her direction, her sisters looking at each other before they left her alone. She quickly shook her head at her sisters, but was not able to keep the smile from her lips at the same time.

"Hey." Andrew greeted her, sounding a little insecure. And to be honest, she didn't knew herself what she was supposed to feel, how she was supposed to be around him. After having shared those moments with him.

"Are you okay?" Andrew added after a moment, and only then she noticed that she hadn't answered.

"Yeah." She gave him a small smile "Just... survived my sisters' ambush." She added chuckling slightly, taking away the tension at least for the moment, making Andrew chuckle as well. "You?"

"Me too. I- I need to leave now... Theo, my routine. Just wanted to say goodbye." He smiled at her still a little unsure of what to say.

"Good night, Andrew."

"Good night."

As Andrew left she went towards Alex, Jo and her sisters again, joining their conversation for some moments before she decided to leave as well.

"Following your resident?" Maggie asked her pointedly with a big smile.

"No, going home to take care of my children, Maggie." She gave back with a smile.

"Mhm."

"Good night." She said before she left the bar going towards her car, as she saw Andrew a few cars away, leaning against one, just staring into the night.

A little hesitantly she made her way towards him, not quite sure what exactly she expected from this, but maybe just wanting to be around him a little longer.

"You're still here?" She asked quietly as she was approaching him, not wanting to startle him, making him turn his head towards her.

"Yes, just wanted to enjoy the quiet for a moment." He smiled, looking into the dark in front of him, before he turned towards her "And you?" 

"The kids." She went the last step towards him, stopping beside him, leaning against the car as well.

They stayed silent for some time just enjoying their closeness while loooking into the dark in front of them.

"You said something earlier today..." Andrew started almost whispering.

"I know..." She said quietly adding even lower "And I meant it... You always give, but you don't let yourself be loved, you don't let others get close to you..." Meredith tried to find his eyes, being able to look at him for a short moment before he quickly turned his gaze away.

"It's not that easy... when you're scared to hurt the people around you by letting them get closer to you." He murmured more to himself, but she could hear him.

"I know. I- I am scared to get hurt again, but... I do think you deserve more than what you allow yourself to feel."

"You're scared that people might leave you again?" He didn't directly answer her.

"Yes. I- I'm scared to replace the people I lost. I'm scared to forget them. But... what scares me most is that they could leave again."

He stayed silent for some time, not sure what to say. Not sure whether he was ready to open up even more about that chapter in his life. He was so sure that he never wanted to feel that again. That he never wanted to hurt anyone again. And then... he met Meredith.

He tried to focus on the darkness in front of him again to let his thoughts get quieter again, to be able to think more clearly again.

"You want to be my friend?" He asked after a few more moments, carefully turning towards Meredith.

"What?" She looked a little confused not quite sure what he meant.

"You said that I need to learn to let people be here for me as well and you... You need to learn not to let your fear keep you away from getting closer to someone else..." Andrew explained softly, looking up at her to find her eyes "Be my friend?"

"Okay." She whispered ever so quietly.

They stayed in silence for some time before he heard Meredith next to him again. "But just for the record, I considered you my friend before." She smiled at him.

"I know, me too." Andrew answered, chuckling slightly "But...this..." 

"Yes." She gave him a smile, noticing that he didn't have the words to describe it, but feeling the meaning behind it as well "I will be your friend." She gave him another smile.

"You know..." She started again "You make me a lot softer than I usually am."

"No..."He turned towards her to meet her eyes "I believe you always have that kind heart. You just try to protect it." He said while he took her hand in his, caressing it.

He saw how she was turning her head away, not able to keep his gaze, but at the same time tightening her grip around his hand.

"But do you think it makes sense?" Meredith started with a timid smile after a moment "When I'm scared to give and you're scared to receive?" She raised her eyebrow as if to make her point clear.

"Ah, that's perfect!" Andrew chuckled, making her laugh as well.

He found her eyes again, this time not turning away. Her smile still on her lips. He kept her gaze, getting lost in this moment with her for a few seconds, before she broke their moment, quickly looking away.

"I really should get home now."

"Let me drive you." He knew what she was doing. And he could understand it. As much as he wished to have stayed in that moment a little longer, he had felt the fear bubble up inside him as well.

"Thank you." She gave him a small smile.

...