Let me love you | Merluca

13 - confide

1 week later

...

Their treatment on Mr. Smith finally worked and over the past few days their patient started to get much better. And since Andrew spent all his time at the hospital while he was working on the case together with Meredith, the first thing he did was to go home and spend as much time as possible with Theo. He hated to be away for so long, as much as he loved to work again, this would probably the hardest part for him to accept.

Today Andrew was, after three days cuddling Theo back at work again, this time on Dr. Pierce's service.

They had just finished scrubbing in and entered the OR to start the surgery. It was a pretty quiet surgery in all ways. On one side, because there was a high risk for complications, so they needed to be fully concentrated, leaving almost no space for conversation. On the other side, because they were able to get through the most complicated parts without any bleedings or other complications.

"So, my sister let you free?" Dr. Pierce started as they were about to finish the surgery.

"Yeah." He had to smile slightly at thinking about all the hours he spent working with Meredith.

"I heard Mr. Smith will be able to go home soon. You two did a incredible diagnosis."

"Thank you. I can't imagine if he had left his wife and kids behind... I'm just glad he will be able to go home with them."

"It's always hard..." Maggie answered.

"Yeah." He sighed in response.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, I just can't promise an answer." Andrew answered with a smile towards her.

"Why did you transfer to Grey Sloan?"

"Why is everyone so interested?" He questioned with a smile.

"You're a good resident, I can't imagine another hospital would let you go so easily."

"Well, they did." He sighed, as they closed their patient and then went to scrub out.

...

"You know there is a resident's lounge and on-call rooms." Maggie started as she saw Andrew sitting on the couch in one of the rooms they used to do research later the day.

"I know, but I like this room. But I can leave if that is a problem."

"No, it's okay. I just thought you might be tired of this room after having worked here for days. But maybe that's the reason you like it so much?" She answered with a smile. She could already imagine why he liked this specific room more than the others.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Okay." She smiled at him trying to hide or actually not noticing the way he looked and felt about her sister. "You never answered me earlier." She changed the subject.

"Maybe I don't want to answer." He answered with a smile.

"Fine." She gave back after a moment just looking at him as Meredith joined them in the room.

"Your 'friend' is weird.' Maggie said, with a little smile before she left them alone, giving Meredith a short teasing but happy smile on her way out.

"What was that about?" Meredith asked confused as she walked over to were Andrew was sitting.

"Everyone keeps asking me why I transfered here." He answered her, while offering her to sit down next to him.

"Well, I would like to know that too." She said calmly after she sat down beside him, looking up at him with a small smile.

"Well... you're allowed to ask."

"So, if I were to ask you why you came here, you would tell me now?"

"Maybe..." He turned his head away not able to keep her gaze anymore, answering a little hesitantly.

It was hard for him to let poeple get closer to him, to whom he really was, even though there was a huge part that seemed like it wanted her to know everything. It was hard.

"Ah..." Meredith started a little teasingly, before she turned more serious but still with a smile on her face "Then I'll wait until you want to tell me."

They kept sitting in silence next to each other for a few moments, enjoying each others presence while Andrew couldn't stop the internal fight that came up inside him about whether he wanted her to know or not.

"Ask." Meredith heard Andrew after some minutes, still looking at the wall in front of him.

"Hm? You want to tell me." She asked a little surprised, turning towards, trying to find his eyes.

"I- I don't know how to talk about it, so I need you... to ask." She could hear the nervousness through his voice, she could see it in his behavior as he quickly looked up at her, just to look away again not able to keep her gaze.

"Okay." She added softly while she let her hand rest on Andrew's arm. To ground him? To give him some comfort? She wasn't sure. She just knew that it felt right in that moment.

"Why did you transfer?" She asked quietly, seeing how he took a deep breath.

"I- I'm living with... Bipolar disorder. And- I have been through some very difficult months when the mania started... I got suspended and- When I came back after I started my treatment... I didn't feel like a doctor anymore... I didn't feel welcome there... I didn't feel like I wanted to be there anymore... So, I quit. I spent all my time with Theo... And only because of my sisters insistence I started to look for another hospital to work at. I'm only here because of her."

"I'm glad she kept insisting." Meredith gave him a small smile.

"Me too." He answered quietly, finally looking up at Meredith.

"Your panic attacks?" Meredith asked carefully, curious, but also not wanting to push him too far.

"I..."

"You don't need to..."

"There is more... I just... think I can't talk about it yet..."

"Okay." Meredith gave him a reassuring smile letting her hand wander to his, caressing it slightly out of instinct. "You know you are on your way to become an amazing surgeon, right?" She looked up to meet his eyes, wanting him to know that she meant it.

She saw how a small timid smile formed on his lips as he heard her words.

...