Let me love you | Merluca

6 - show up

Andrew's perspective

...

Shortly after Dr.Grey left, Andrew saw his sister coming inside the on-call room. And just the thought of Dr. Grey having seen everything made him feel embarrassed. Everything he wanted since he had decided to start new, was to leave all that behind him. To work at a different hospital, where people didn't know what had happened, where people wouldn't judge him because of his story, where he could just become a doctor who helped other people. But somehow starting over again was much harder than he wished it would be.

He felt Carina sitting down on the floor beside him. She knew what this was about. It wasn't the first time it had happened. It had gotten less over the past few months, but sometimes he still got them. These panic attacks.

"I know you don't want to talk about it. But... are you okay again?" Carina asked, turning her head towards him.

"I- I think I am." Andrew answered a bit absently. His mind was still in the moment a few minutes ago. Why did he need to let himself lean against Dr. Grey like that? Why did it feel so good to have someone to lean onto, without them asking any questions?

"So, you are on Dr. Grey's service?" He noticed Carina changing the subject. She knew him well enough to know that she wouldn't get anywhere if she kept pushing him in this moment. And he knew her well enough to know that she tried to change the subject to keep him talking. But he loved her for being his sister and always trying to be there for him.

"If she still wants me to be on her service." If she still wanted him to be on her service. Why did he need to mess everything up?

"Andrea." Of course, Carina had noticed the underlying fear and embarrassment in his voice. "She didn't seem like a person who was judging you when she tried to help. She seemed like she was concerned."

"I know." Did he know? He wasn't sure, but he did know that the person he got to know a little over the past few weeks while he worked on her service, wasn't one to judge you. Not for these kind of things. She had always tried to understand her patients and did her best to help them. She could be hard to her residents and she valued professionalism, which sometimes made her seem distant but she was a person who cared. "She is an amazing person. And a great teacher." At least that's how he got to know her. But he also knew that sometimes you only started to see the true person in moments that mattered and sometimes it hurt to see who just pretended to have cared.

Carina looked at him, surprised at his words, but didn't say anything for what he was thankful.

"I think I will go back to work." Andrew said after a few more moments, standing up again.

"Are you sure?" Carina asked getting up as well, reaching out for his arm.

"Yes. I wanted to start new here. And I want to try not to let this hold me back again."

"Okay. But look after yourself. And if you need anything..."

"Thank you." He gave her a small smile, grateful to have her, before he tried to go back to work.

...

show up / ˈshō ˈp / verb
to provide help and support for someone

to show up if someone needs you
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Short chapter, but at least I updated... 😅