The Inventor (TST)(Newt)

Chapter 11

Time won't fly
It's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again
But I'm still trying to find it
And I might be okay
But I'm not fine at all

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Nicole's POV

I stormed away from them. I just needed to be alone. I needed to distract my mind. I walked and walked until I was near another large pile of debris from an old life.

I kicked a rock and watched as I flew across the flat sea of sand. "Stupid sand." I mumbled before picking up a rock and chucking it out. "Stupid, stupid sand!" I picked another rock and another throwing them as far as I could until I felt satisfied.

I turned around and ran my dirty fingers through my brown hair. "Why!?" I screamed slamming my hands on a stone slab. "Why?" I said more quietly, more like a plead. I cupped my face in my hands as I took some deep breaths.

Calm down. Calm down before you hurt yourself.

I huffed before taking some more steps but my brace abruptly seized up and I found I could barely move it.

"Oh hell," I muttered before plopping down on the ground. I stubbornly began to examine it. "Stupid brace." I muttered feeling more anger bubble up in me.

I let out a groan when I saw what I guessed was the culprit. My brace was jammed due to grits of sand stuck between the gears. It appears they didn't like having rocks thrown at them.

"Damn it." I mumbled knowing I had to now clean it all out. I slowly took the brace off and let my busted leg fall limp on the ground.

"Nicole?" I jumped at my name. I spun around to see a familiar face looking down at me.

"Go away." I muttered at Newt turning my back to him.

"Are you okay?"

"I said go away!" I yelled over my shoulder. He jumped back a bit, but he still didn't leave. "Please." I begged. "Just...leave me alone."

I turned around and stared down at my leg. I wished I would hear footsteps against the sand going away, but I didn't hear that. Instead I heard a faint buzzing sound. I blinked a few times as my head began to throb. Then suddenly 'bam' the buzzing sound was turned up to full volume. I let out a painful gasp as my hands flew over my ears.

My teeth gritted together as I felt my head being crushed by some unknown force. I couldn't help it, it hurt to much. I let out a sob and tried to shake my head.

Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around my torso and pulled me into their chest. "Shhhh," Newt gently stroked my hair as he began to rock me back and forth. "It's okay. Breathe, breathe."

I inhaled sharply and grabbed Newts jacket wanting to ball up my fists. In. Out. In. Out.

I was beginning to wonder when I'd get my next seizure. I'm surprised it took me this long after all the stress I had already. Eventually the pain dwindled down and I was left in Newts arms. I stared down at the dirt, I didn't want to talk about my feelings about just what happened. I just wanted to be alone.

A hand grazed my cheek and took my chin. Newt gently turned my head up to his so he could see my eyes and I could see his. Newts deep brown eyes mesmerized me. How they sent a fire to my soul yet calmed my stormy sea of feelings at the same time.

"Nick, have you been sleeping okay?" He asked me in a quiet soft voice. I slowly took my head away from his hands and peered at the ground.

"I don't really sleep. My mind has the scary capability of being dark and demented." I whispered out.

"You are afraid of your dreams?"

"Yes," I said quietly. Though I wasn't as afraid of the dreams, as I was of the memories.

Newt hands wrapped around mine. "You don't have to be afraid of them Nick. They're only dreams, they can't hurt you." I looked at our inlaced hands then up to his big eyes.

"It's not just a bad dream though," I told him. "I see they're faces. My friends, my family I see them dying. I keep reliving it over and over again. I remember all the moments I had with them." I chocked out a laugh at my last sentence. I thought back to my friends and all the crazy shit we got into. Though a frown crossed over my face rather quickly.

"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory." My eyes fell away from his face and back to our hands. A silence fell over us again as we played with each other's fingers.

"Do you like Aris?"

"What!?" I snapped. I was so surprised I jumped up though I forgot I didn't have my brace and my legs buckled under me. Newt caught me and placed me against an piece of debris and sat down across from me.

"I-it's just you two seem rather close. And I was just wondering and trying to get your mind off of..." Newt trailed off and stared at me because I was laughing so hard.

"Me and Aris?" I asked trying to breathe. "Oh no, God no. Aris is like my brother. We were in the maze together, we protect each other, I steal his food and then he gets pissed." Newt chuckled along with me at my last words.

"He, uh, he's all I have left." I said nodding my head. "Everyone else is dead." At those words I froze. Dead. Dead like Winston.

"You did all that you could Nicole." Newt reassured taking my hands.

"Yeah, but it wasn't enough. I couldn't save him. I should have saved him. I should have saved-" I was cut off by a lump forming in my throat and my face growing hot. Tears began pouring down my face, one after the other. I sobbed and curled myself up in a ball.

I just felt so broken, and guilty, and useless. I felt so useless. What's the point of it all if everyone around me always dies.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and Newt pulled me close to his warm chest. I cried and cried because I couldn't hold it in anymore. "It's okay." Newt whispered in my ear as he rocked me back in forth like a mother comforting their child. "It's okay." He breathed running his fingers through my hair. "I-I failed." I sobbed. "Well, we learn from failure not from success."

I didn't know how he did it. Yet despite all the pain that I felt build up and up until I couldn't hold it in anymore, just being there with Newt and listening to his heartbeat seemed to make everything a tad better.

I looked up at him and he smiled softly back to me. "How do you do it?" I asked him.

"Do what?"

"Despite all that happens, you can comfort others and you can do it with a smile?"

Newt paused and studied my face. He reached down and brushed a strain of hair off my face. "Happiness can be found. Even in the darkest times. If one only remembers to turn the on the light."

I let out a small chuckle. "Why are you so wise?" Newt shrugged back. "I just sorta remember those words, maybe I read it on some poster." I let out another chuckle though I was interrupted by a yawn.

"I should have-" I whispered out as exhaustion flooded over me. "I should h-" My eyelids became very heavy and Newt mumbled some words into my hair telling me to sleep.

"I should have saved them all."

And with that my eyelids stopped fighting. And I gave into sleep.

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