Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

9: Depression

Depression was quite literally the worst thing ever.

It was one o clock in the afternoon and I still hadn't gotten out of bed. I sighed and rolled over again, staring at the pile of work on my desk.

I looked up at the ceiling and rubbed my eyes. I hated having depression. I was starving but didn't have it in me to even drink water. I wanted to get ready and do my make up but the thought of all that effort...yeah, no. I'd lived with this illness most of my life and never had any support from the people I lived with. I went a month without showering when I was ten and was called "disgusting". I got out of bed at twelve o'clock once and was called "lazy". When I ate a lot I had to "watch my weight" but when I didn't eat I was shouted at.

My phone started to ring causing me to almost jump out of my skin. I picked up my phone to see it was Alex. I slid accept and sat up, fluffing my hair up.
"Heyy. You alright?" They asked.
"Depression tings" I sighed. "You?"
"I'm good, just wanted to check you were alright"
"I am...not" I threw a peace sign at them then groaned. "Ughhh"
"Just do what you can. Brush your hair and teeth, wash your face, have a snack"
"I'll try. I want Wagamamas though so I might order"
"Yes, do that! Better that then nothing"
"Will do" I yawned. "Ugh I just want a hug"
"Next time I see you, I'll hug you. Hang in there bub"
"I will...what you doing today then?"
"Uhh...i dunno. Watching TV. I'll try go on a walk I guess. You?"
"Work in the afternoon. You wanna play Minecraft later?"
"Uhh...nah. Sorry"
"No worries. Look after yourself yeah? Gonna go walk my dog. Call me if you need me"
"You too. Love you"
"Love you more bb" Yes, they actually say "bb".

I clicked 'end call' and threw myself out of bed. I looked a fucking wreck. I brushed my hair down before clipping it back into a ponytail.
Do what you can, I thought as I got up and went to the bathroom. After washing my face, brushing my teeth and moisturising I got ready into a black Harry Styles sweater and some black bottoms. I slipped on some cosy socks then applied my winged eye liner quickly.

Wow. I did good. Time to order some Wagas.

I poured myself some juice and tapped away on my phone, selecting the fish options. I then turned on some music and let Paramore play through my Primark speakers - which worked pretty well. I really needed to get some help for my mental health but I wasn't sure what would help - and I refused to go to the doctors alone. Would it even help?

Who the fuck knows?

My food was surprisingly almost here so I slipped on some trainers and went to water my outside plants. I took my time watering each plant, humming to myself. I heard some cursing up ahead in a somewhat northern accent (the voice sounded a bit northern but I wasn't too sure because I'm just stupid like that) and didn't dare look up as people terrified me.
"Delivery for Zahra?" I looked up to see an UberEats driver and put the watering can down.
"Uh thank you" I took £2 out of my pocket and handed it to him as a tip.
"Thank you. Enjoy" The man smiled fondly before he handed me my food and sped off on his motorcycle. I loved tipping people...it always made their day.

I was about to turn around and go inside when that somewhat northern accent was calling for me.