Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

70: The One

And like that, Harry and I went to Amsterdam the next day where there was sunshine, food, weed, new people...and a lot of sex.

But it was lovely. We spent a lot of time together and talked a lot - and tried new food.

"How y' feeling?" Harry asked. We were cuddling in bed in silence as we were both tired till he broke it.
"Tired. Anzious. You?"
"Anxious" He responded.
"What's up?" I asked.
"I dunno. I just...feel uneasy. You?"
"Don't know what I'm doing with my life"
"Uni stuff?"
"I-i cant go back. Cant face my abuser. But...i need somewhere to live 'n' stuff...i dont know what to do"
"You can always stay with me"
"I dunno...I'm tired"
"C'mon, bed time. Lets talk tomorrow, yeah?" We buried ourselves under the covers and held each other close before we fell asleep.

I woke up the next day and was once again, feeling some kind of way...fuck sake. Harry wasn't here so I grabbed my phone off the table.

where are you?

harry <3: Getting you breakfast

how long till your back?

harry<3: NOT AGAIN

PISS OFF I DONT NEED UR HELP I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHEN UR BACK

harry <3: 20 minutes

harry <3: Sorry for saying 'NOT AGAIN'

its ok just take ur time pls xxxxxxxx i love you

Twenty five minutes later, Harry came back to see me energised and wearing his t shirt and some jeans.
"Have fun?" He teased me.
"Not funny" I hit his arm and poured milk into my tea which I now liked. Harry sometimes forgets I don't like jokes about me having a good wank...I'm aware he is my boyfriend but I'm really awkward.
"Sorry!" He apologised, giving me a side hug.
"It's okay my love...im just awkward"
"Its so funny to me how when we have sex you're so into it but when you're alone you shy away"
"I dunno, I'm strange..."
"Well yeah, i think you are love!" He jokes

I bursted out laughing at what he said
"Aw Harry, I love you" I smiled shyly.
"I love you too baby. So much" He kissed my head gently and caressed my cheek gently.
"Its our last day. What do we do?" I asked him. "Let's go on a walk" He suggested.
"Okay" I slipped his hand into mine and kissed it gently, causing him to smile shyly.

We walked down the breezy streets of Amsterdam, holding hands as we chattered away. I was having a bad food day but Harry was being so sweet to me as usual. I'd only drank a bit of tea for breakfast and was feeling really nauseous.
"Are you okay baby?" He asked.
"Yeah, a little nauseous that's all" I replied.
"D'you need a drink? Maybe some water or juice?"
"Uhhh...water please"
"Okay, c'mon" He led me to the nearest supermarket and bought two bottles of water. I took small sips to try and ease the nausea but it didn't do much.

"Are you feeling better?" I asked my boyfriend - yes, boyfriend.
"Yeah. Still worrying a bit but I'll be okay. You?"
"The same really...very...lost..."
"You wanna sat lay on some grass?"
"Yes please baby" And like that, we headed to the park nearby and just sat on the grass.
"Whats on your mind?" I asked him.
"You. You look so pretty" He mumbled. "Also...i just...i wanna just..."
"Take your time. I'll listen" I replied.

"Y'know one day I just wanna quit music and settle down. I've already done three albums and like, four movies and well, I was in a band. Done other stuff too but...i just think maybe the times sooner than i think"
"What? Quit...now?"
"Not now but soon...maybe a year or two I dunno. I just hate the things we need to do because of me. Going through the back of a restaurant, having to hide from paps and stuff...i wanna just give it all up"
"F-for me?"
"Yeah..." he turned his head and looked at me. "You're the one. I know it. Zahra, I would give up everything for you - the suits, the private jets, the fame, the money...all of it just to live a life with you"

Tears had formed in my eyes.
"So...what do you think?" He asked.
"I think...I-i cant imagine life without you. And any decision you make, I will support. But let me tell you, i like taking the back entrance to a restaurant and hiding from paps. It's fun!"
"Not for me!" He laughed. "Well...thank you"
"Anything for you" I smiled softly.
"Soo...whats going on with you then?"
"I dunno. I just...i wanna leave uni. But i need the housing and stuff and i'll miss my friends. Maybe i'll go back later but...the thing i went through was too much for me to handle"
"Baby, you cant stay if you're unhappy. Honestly, I'd love it if you came and lived with me. Even till you get your own place. You could get a job doing something you like and save up a bit here and there and reopen your small business"
"I love you and your clever mind" I mumbled.
"I love you too darling" he smiled.

"Harry?"
"Yes my beautiful girl?"
"I'm bisexual"
"Zahra, I like women too. You're not special"
"Oh fuck off!"