Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

50: Body

"Darling? You ready to go?" Harry called.
"Uhhh..."

Fuck no.

We were going out for lunch to this cute cafe in Soho and I had been getting changed for an hour. I fucking hated my body and had been crying for ages about how ugly I felt. I hated my stomach, the way my legs looked and my arms were so scrawny and weird.
"Baby? Are you okay?" Harry knocked on the door (even though it was his bedroom). I let out a sniffle, not knowing how to reply.
"Can I come in?" He asked. I gave in and opened the door to reveal me: a crying short bitch wearing only her lingerie.
"What's the matter love?" He went to hug me but I stepped away. Harry looked hurt but didn't press - he didn't know what had happened.

"I-i can't go" I said.
"Whys that?"
"I-i just cant!" I replied quickly. Harry scanned the room and saw all my clothes and then looked back at me.
"Are you having a bad day? In terms of...your body image?"

Spot on bitch.

I nodded and sniffled, tears spilling down my cheeks.
"Please don't make me go" I whimpered.
"Hey, I would never force you to do anything you weren't comfortable with. You know that. Do you need anything at all?"
"Can I hug you?" He didn't even hesitate when those words left my mouth. He pulled me into his arms whilst I cried harder.

"Darling, you're so beautiful. I-I'm sorry you're having a bad day"
"Im just tired of people telling me to just love myself when my whole life I've been told im the opposite of beautiful" I smiffled.
"Self love is a process. It doesn't come just like that. Oh and the beauty standard is bullshit but we wont talk about that"

Why was he literally becoming me?

"Yeah, I'm becoming you" He chuckled. "It'll be okay. You're a gorgeous girl inside and out and I love you"
"Shut up" I sniffled.
"Make me" That little tease.
"In a bit...um...can I wear your jumper?"
"Don't even ask. Take it. Should I leave?"
"No" I said quickly. "Stay. Please"
"I'm not going anywhere darling" He kissed my forehead gently, caressing my cheeks. "Which one d'you want to wear today? The Gucci one?"
"Uhhhh..." I wasn't sure. "Got any merch?"

In the end I wore his black Pleasing jumper with some blue wide pade jeans along with my docs. I of course put on some eye liner and mascara before clipping back my hair in a ponytail.
"You look so pretty" Harry mumbled as I laced up my docs - which in the end he did which was very sweet.
"Thank you" I replied with a small voice.

"How are you doing?" I asked him as we sat inside the cafe.
"I'm actually great" He smiled warmly.
"Really? Why's that?"
"Because I'm with you" He lifted my hands up and kissed them. "Are you alright?"
"Better than before" I replied. "Sorry, I know I'm a lot"
"Nothing to be sorry for. I'm glad you're feeling better!"
"Doesn't it...drain you out? Hurt you?"
"Of course it hurts - I'm in love with you and you're pain hurts me. It doesn't really drain me out. There's always a healthy ending. Aw love you look so pretty in my clothes"
"Me? Have you seen yourself?"
"Eh"

MOTHER FUCKER.

"Listen to me you...you handsome...specimen"
Harry burst out laughing at the word 'specimen'.
"I love you and your beautiful face so suck it up" I added. "And...I think you saved my life"
"No...no love theres no wa-" He stopped short when he realised what I said properly.
"I almost died the other week" I said without thinking.
"W-what?"

Yeah, wrong time to tell him.

"Darling, c-can you...explain?" He asked.
"Well...life hadn't been...it. So I planned to ring you up and just talk to you and say goodbye and that I loved you too then...end it. But you came over"
"Oh my God"
"I'm sorry, I should have told you later"
"No! No, love I'm so proud of you for telling me this. But in my mind: you saved yourself. Think about it, you chose to call me rather than just go ahead and do it" He paused. "I just...I don't wanna sound rude but I want to ask questions"
"Ask. It's okay" I assured him.
"You were gonna just...leave? You have so many people who care about you in your life"

"Its hard to explain. I love you so much and I love Lav, Delilah and Arrow...but...I'm too much. And...well if I'm dead I don't have to worry"
"Hey, dont ever say that again. If you ever feel like shit please call me, okay?"
"I will. I promise. Honestly I'm fine now"