Fill the silence | Itafushi

It's Not Your Fault

TW: panic attack, mention of suicidal thoughts, mentions of death, mention of scars

One year and eight months before the day

Megumi's POV

"He's dead." my mind went black and my heart stopped.

He's... Dead?

"Megumi? What's wrong?" Itadori comes in my direction making me take a step back.

I can see the fear in his eyes looking at me. Shit. I must have the same scared expression he does.

"Fushiguro are you there?" Gojo's voice sounds in my hears making me come back to reality.

"Yeah I'm... I'm here" how the hell am I going to tell Itadori that his friend died?

And he... he was my friend too.

"Nanami called the police. They are on their way and so am I, you two should go home and rest..."

"We both know that's not going to happen..." I say in a aggressive tone trying to collect my feelings and thoughts "We'll be there"

The line is quiet on the other side "Fine" he sighs and hangs up.

I clench my free hand and grab the phone tightly putting it back in my pocket and taking a deep breath before looking at itadori.

He looks so scared... I hate this so much.

"Ita...They found him"

His eyes widen as he waits for me to continue

"You probably should sit down..."

I know he's going to break. I know he will blame himself... I can't just...i can't just break him like that.

"Why? What happened to Junpei? Was it Mahito? His he at the hospital? We have to go see him!" he starts walking towards the door behind me but I grab his hand preventing him from leaving.

I have to tell him.

"Ita he... He died..." I don't look at him. I can't look at his eyes, not now.

"Wh- what" his voice cracks making me close my eyes before looking up.

"Nanami found him... I don't know details I just... He's dead. I'm so sorry Yuji" tears form in my eyes making my vision blurry as I see him start to cry even more

"No, no, no" he takes his arm away from my hand and takes a step back.

"He can't be dead. Not Junpei. This has to be a joke right? Mahito wouldn't go that far would he?!" he stars to breath faster and looks at me with a desperate look

"Itadori I need you to calm down okay? Take deep breaths" I ask, using my hand to clean my tears and taking a step in his direction.

He's having a panic attack. Fuck.

He slowly sits on the floor and starts to pull at his hair.

"It's my fault" he says in between sobs "He's dead because of me. I should have done it" he says in a quiet tone "I should have just killed myself like Sukuna told me to, that way this wouldn't be happening"

My heart gets even tighter after hearing those words coming out of his mouth and tears fill my eyes again, but I quickly wipe them off and sit in front of my boyfriend, carefully grabbing his hands pulling them away from his hair to stop him from hurting himself.

"He's" he let's out a sob trying to breath, not being able to finish "because... of me..."

I caress his hands trying to make him concentrate on another feeling