Against The Fate

Prologue

PROLOGUE

I wish I could wake up from this nightmare.

Bumulong ako ng sari-sari't mga salitang pampakalma sa sarili. I feel suffocated. I felt like I'm still living in this damn nightmare that I can't seem to wake myself up from.

Take a deep breath. Relax. Breathe.

Ilang segundo ko nang tinitingnan ang resulta sa cellphone ko, pero hindi ko pa rin makuhang tanggapin ito.

I failed.

I fucking failed the Physician's Board Exam.

Parang panaginip pa rin ang lahat. I pinched myself a few times and yet I'm still awake. I'm really awake... and I failed an exam for the first time in my life.

I don't know what happened or where exactly did I go wrong when I took the test. I made sure that I studied really well and I had no room for mistakes.

Hindi ko alam kung paano haharapin sina Mama at Papa pagkatapos nito. I was confident that I can pass this test and yet I failed. I failed miserably... and I don't know how I'll save myself from this shameful result.

Not everything you work hard for will bring fruitful results and I realized that now.

I feel like crumbling down and crying here but my pride remained strong. Nangako ako sa sarili kong hindi ako iiyak pag nangyari ito at papanindigan ko iyon.

Kinuha ko ang mga gamit ko at tumungo na sa kotse ko. Hindi ko hinayaang tumulo ang mga luha ko kahit gaano na kabigat itong nararamdaman ko.

I stayed inside my car for a few minutes, wanting to escape the reality that I'm facing. Napahawak ako sa steering wheel at nilugay ang medium length kong buhok. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled on it. Kinagat ko ang labi at sinandal ang ulo sa bintana, sabay pikit ng mariin.

It's okay, Lacey... you can try again next time. You can take the test again and this time, you'll top it.

My phone rang suddenly and as if my prayers are heard, the person who I want to comfort me right now called.

"Yes?" I answered with a stoic tone.

"Laticia..." he said with a cheerful tone. "Okay ka lang? Kailangan mo ng kausap?"

Ginulo ko ang buhok at pinagmasdan ang dahan-dahang pagtulo ng ulan sa labas.

The sky is dark like it's sympathizing with me. Magkahalong hiya at lungkot ang nararamdaman ko ngayon dahil sa naging resulta non. I want to escape this world. I just want to be gone and find out where I went wrong. Gusto ko nalang mawala 'tong bigat at mga pagsisising na sana ginalingan ko pa.

Maybe it was my breaks. Na akala ko, nagdudulot ng maganda sa akin para magawa ko ng maayos ang exam. Maybe, I shouldn't have stopped studying even though my nose kept bleeding like it's never gonna end. I shouldn't have slept or took a day off from studying. Kung sana, natural na magaling ako. If only I got all the greatness in the world, then I wouldn't be in this damned situation right now.

"The truth is, I'm not..." pag-amin ko roon. Sa kanya lang ako nakakapagbahagi ng bigat sa dibdib ko. Sa kanya lang ako nakakalabas ng nararamdaman ko. "I don't know what I should do. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin-"