Heartbreaker ~ Larry Stylinson {English}

56. The night we met.

~ Pov Louis ~ 

"Louis." No. Leave me alone. "Louis." I growl and turn around on the hard mattress. "Louis, wake up."

"What?" I moan. Who am I actually talking to? Where am I?

My eyes open with a frown and look around confused. This isn't my room and the deep voice is certainly not my mother's. "Finally," it sounds a little further from me. I look up.

"Kjell?" He chuckles.

"Yeah, that's me. Do you remember your name?" How so? Maybe something happened?

"Of course I remember my name. What a fucking stupid question is that?" He shrugs. 

"After the little conversation you had with Harry yesterday you went completely crazy. I actually expected that after all the weed you smoked and all the alcohol you consumed you wouldn't wake up again."

"So then you decided to leave me in your bed for dead?" I joke. He smiles for a moment, but then sits down next to me.

"Louis, I know we don't know each other very well yet, but can I ask you something personal?" I nod. "Is he the person you wanted to see the first time we met?" I sigh.

"Harry?" He nods. "Yes. He's the person I was talking about that night." 

"You told me things were complicated, what did you mean by that?" I force a smile.

"Do you have strong coffee?" He nods.

"Yes."

"Good, because you need that for a story like this one."

A little later we sit outside with a cup of coffee in our hands. Kjell has a cigarette between his lips, ready to hear the story. I sigh and look ahead. "Harry and I have known each other for years. We used to be best friends, but when we went to high school it all went wrong. He had a hard time at home, interacted with the wrong friends, eventually came into contact with alcohol, smoking, drugs and immediately went astray."

"And that drove you two apart?" I nod.

"Yes. We couldn't stand each other anymore, but our parents still got along very well so every week they organized a dinner that we absolutely hated going to. And one night he kissed me. I was so confused, because the person who was once my best friend kissed me."

"Did you ever feel that way about him? I mean when you were friends did you ever want to kiss him?"

I shake my head. "No. Never. I thought he was attractive, but I've never seen him as someone I wanted to kiss. That's why I thought it was so strange when he said he wanted to teach me so much more." Kjell raises his eyebrows. "I know. I had a feeling from the start that something was wrong, but after that one kiss I couldn't ignore it. I couldn't get enough of it. And so it started. The secretly meeting, the lying, the secrets... And although he hurt me every 5 seconds, it felt so good to spend time with him again. I had my best friend back, only we were more than that and for some strange reason that was so much better than before."

"But?" Kjell asks. "There must be a 'but'." I smile.

"But then another boy came into the picture, Jason. We hanged out a lot and in the meantime things got more serious between Harry and me. It went way beyond the teaching thing, it wasn't about that anymore. I was ready to admit that I had feelings for him, but he wasn't."

"So something happened between you and Jason?" I nod.

"Yes. I kissed him. He was everything I wanted. But he wasn't Harry and I realized that I had actually made my choice a long time ago." I think back to that particular evening. "But then everything exploded. To make the story short, my father had a tumor and was completely freaked out when he saw that I was kissing Jason and some things had happened at Harry's house that made him come to me. While police and ambulances arrived, I told him about the kiss. "

"What happened then?"

"That night was chaotic. I don't remember much about it. But Harry and I talked about it and decided that we were there for each other and that we would figure out what was happening between us at our pace." I smile when I remember those last moments. "That last week was the best of my life."

"Until the last day of school?" Kjell asks. I nod.

"You heard about it?"

"Yes. I may not go to school very often, but something like that spreads quickly." I sigh.

"That day everything came to light. He lied, everything that happened between us was a lie. Everything he did or said was just part of a bet. He made money by filming everything we did. I was devastated. I didn't know how I had to function anymore. From then on everything went wrong. The first month I ignored him. He was at my door every day and called me every hour. When I saw him in the supermarket I gave up," I smile.

"It felt so good to look at him, to have him close to me. Once I said my first words to him, I couldn't stop. Since then I couldn't resist the thought of bumping into him again, so I started coming to these parties, hoping to run into him. "

"And that's the night we met," he confirms. I nod.

"When you offered me that cigarette, I immediately thought of him. When I close my eyes while I smoke and concentrate it feels like I'm with him, like he's the one who smokes. Same with alcohol, the taste makes me think of when his lips rested on mine. I can't get enough of it. The drugs are just to amplify that feeling."

Kjell chuckles for a moment. "That's why you have that strange habit of closing your eyes when you smoke or drink." I nod with a small smile. "Did you actually bump into him at a party?" I bite my lip and look away. "Yes?"

"Yes. A week later after I met you. I was drunk and so was he. We kissed. And almost went beyond that."

"You mean-"

"Yes. But he stopped it. He said he couldn't do it. I saw him twice after that. One time I went too far and the second time I made him promise that we would forget everything, as if it never happened. He keeps his promise and that may be the thing I hate the most. "

"Do you still have feelings for him?" I look at him.

"Of course I still have feelings for him. I just don't know how to deal with it. He hurt me so fucking much and I'm just scared now. I'm scared to show my feelings towards him, so when I really need to be with him, I just drink so much before I go to him. It's easy to blame it on the alcohol afterwards."

"Have you ever thought about what Harry is feeling?" I frown for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"Do you really think it was all a game to him? Did it ever occur to you that maybe he really got feelings for you? That some of it was real?"

I shake my head. "I've thought about it. But if you really care about someone, you don't hurt that person. So no, it was all a lie to me."

"Sometimes, Louis, sometimes we hurt the people we love the most."

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So now you know why Louis drinks and does drugs.