A broken heart

Chapter 2

"But you never said anything."

"And when exactly would I have said anything to you about it?!! From the one, one word telegram that you sent me when Dimitri and I saved Lissa from Victor Dashkov? I believe the word that you sent was 'pathetic' if I am not mistaken."

(YES, MY DEARS, I KNOW THAT WASN'T WHAT THE TELEGRAM ACTUALLY SAID. LOL.)

"It's Guardian Bel..." She tried to interrupt my rant, but I didn't give her the chance. I just waved her words away with my hand and continued to talk.

"Or from the seven word email that you sent to me when Lissa and I were brought back to the academy. Telling me just how ashamed of me and being known as my birth mother that you are? How selfish and useless that I am. This, right here today..." I pointed towards the floor where we stood facing off with each other.

"... is the only time that you have let me know that you have even been on campus since the day that you abandoned me here over fifteen fucking years ago. Before I was even old enough for fucking preschool as a matter of a fucking fact. Oh, I know that you have been here over a dozen fucking times over the years, because I saw you. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. But you made sure to try and avoid me like I had the fucking black plague or some other kind of shit like that. 'Social distancing' is that what you called it? All of which is just fucking fine with me. Because you are nothing to me, do you understand that?!! You are fucking nothing to me!!! Now get your ass out of my room and stay the fucking hell away from me and the fuck out of my life!!!" I roared at her this time as I got right up in her face again.

"Watch your language young lady. I..."

"Go to hell bitch!! But only after you get the fuck out of my mother fucking room you fucking bitch." She wasn't even smart enough to know that I was swearing so much just to piss her the hell off. 

She just stood there and stared at me for several long moments before she opened her mouth to say something else. Only I cut her ass off again. "Get the fucking hell out of my fucking room and the hell back out of my fucking life!!!"

Finally she left, after having stared at me completely dumbstruck for a few moments. I was soooo hoping that she would refuse to leave so that I could call Alberta and tell her that I needed some guardians to come and take the garbage out for me. But unfortunately, and a hell of a lot less fun, she went on her merry little way. 'Garbage' being our code word, worked out years and years and years ago, for Janine.

She hadn't even cared that she had metaphorically broken my heart into millions of tiny little pieces and ripped my soul to shreds. Just like a meat grinder would have done to my heart physically. And not with just her attitude towards me, but mostly with her words about Dimitri leaving me to be with that scar faced sagging old Ozera porcine. Actually, if I am being completely honest. The only things that she said that bothered me were about Dimitri leaving me to go fuck that whore aunt of poor Christian.

All that had ever mattered to Janine Hathaway was that I wasn't behaving as her fucking clone. She had never loved me; she had never wanted me; she had never cared anything whatsoever about me and she sure as hell had never wanted to be around me. So what in the hell difference did it make to her how I acted or what I said and did?

No, I didn't even really have to ask that question because I already knew exactly why the way that I acted and spoke mattered to her. I knew that the only reason why what I said did and how I acted mattered to her. I knew that the only reason that anything about me mattered to her.

It was because she was worried about how it would reflect upon her, her reputation and her standing in the moroi and dhampir world. And the perception of how people might see that we were connected in some way. And she wanted as few people, in this or any other world, as possible to connect her to me in any way. Which was perfectly fucking fine with me.