A broken heart

Chapter 36

And thankfully, with Dimitri at her side as well as her by his, she now has that. They both do. Now she has finally found the man who can and will give her everything that she has ever wanted, longed for, needed, and dreamed of. Everything that she deserves. Including children and a family of her own, which I know is something that she has always wanted. And I may actually be the only person in the entire world, other than Dimitri of course, who knows that she has always longed so desperately for a family of her own. Of course, I wouldn't know that if it weren't for the fact that our bond is two ways now. I remember how I found out that she wants a family of her own for myself.

*FLASHBACK*

Rose and I have been sitting here, in Moscow in our hotel suite after a long day of skating and shopping, eating room service and watching the movie 'Cheaper by the dozen.' When I caught a stray thought from my big sestry mind. (sisters)

She was thinking about just how badly she wanted to find her own soul mate and have half a dozen or so children of her own. Seven or eight is what she actually wants. I quietly gasped, not wanting her to know what I had just found out.

I intentionally waited SEVERAL more minutes before I said anything about what she was thinking about. "Rose?"

"Yeah Liss?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Have you ever thought about getting married and being able to have a family of your own? I mean a husband and half a dozen or so children." I didn't say the exact number that she had been thinking about because if I did, then she would know that I had caught that thought a little bit ago.

She sighed, "when we were younger, back before I found out who I really am. I thought about it briefly, but then I would remember that I am a dhampir which meant that I would never be able to have that. I thought that meant that I would train to be a guardian until I graduated from the academy. And after graduation I would become a guardian, hopefully yours. After which I thought that I would live for, at least hopefully a few years, before I died protecting my charge. Whoever that did turn out to be, again I hoped that it would be you. So, I always thought that I would never be blessed enough to have the time, the blessings, or the grace to find someone who COULD love me. I thought that since Janine had thrown me away, while I was still just a small baby. That there HAS to be something wrong with me, there has to be a REASON why she didn't love me. Let alone would I be able to find a man who ever would or could love me enough to marry and have a family with me. Someone who could possibly overlook whatever Janine's reason was. Since I found out who I really am however..."

She stopped for a few minutes to gather her thoughts before she proceeded with what she was saying to me. So, while she did that, I had to say something.

"Rose, you have GOT to know that there is absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with you. NOTHING. She abandoned you because she has some kind of mental and emotional problem herself. It has nothing whatsoever to do with you, it never has. You HAVE got to know that sestra." (sister)

She just shrugged and continued with what she had been saying. After hearing her say that she more or less didn't think that she was worthy or capable of being loved. I hated that Janine Hathaway suka just a little bit more. And I have already hated her guts for years and years and years now. But every single time that I hear my sestra say things like that about herself I hate that Janine Hathaway suka even more. (bitch, sister, bitch)

"Since I found out who I really am, I have begun to again hope that SOMEDAY I will be able to find a man who will REALLY love ME. And that he will love me the way that I want to be loved, and that he will be someone whom I can have a family with. But lately I have begun to wonder, I mean I have never met a guy who appealed to me in that way before, not in the slightest. So, does that mean that I will have to have an arranged marriage for political reasons? Or that I will be alone for my whole life." She sighed unhappily.