✗ BokuAka Oneshots! ✗

Lucid

TW! // issued with sleep paralysis, suicide, panic/anxiety
Bokuto's first person :)      (I listened to a weirdcore/dreamy playlist while writing this and damn it was so good- i recommend listening to one while reading) Wordcount: 685

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I had a dream. So vivid and clear, it almost felt like reality. Though, in reality, people don't really care as much as they say they do. Maybe it was one of those lucid dreams where it's like you're playing in a simulator of your own brain. Yeah, probably.

I couldn't move after I woke up. My eyes would open, and I would want to get up but I couldn't. My legs felt like they were nailed to the surface of my bed. My arms felt like they were made of lead.

My mom walked in to open the blinds. I tried to open my mouth to call her. No sound came out. Was she ignoring me? She sometimes ignored me when I started to talk too much, but that clearly wasn't the case.

The struggling got me tired and since I couldn't do anything about it, I closed my eyes again. My eyes seemed to be the only thing I could control, even my breathing was on automatic mode and wouldn't falter.

--

Apparently, hours had gone by. I opened my eyes again to see my mom pacing at my bedside. The sky outside my window was cloudy and patches of sky found were disappearing by the minute, being engulfed by clouds. I blinked rapidly to try and get her attention but failed. She was calling someone but I couldn't really decipher the words. It was as if she was talking in some language I had never heard before.

I kept my eyes open because I didn't really feel tired anymore. The door flew open and in came Kanako and followed closely was... Hey, is that Akaashi?

Can they see my open eyes? Why is Kanako crying? Mom, comfort her. Akaashi, why are you just standing there, staring at me?

I couldn't really hear what they said. Soon enough, I could see tears rolling down Akaashi's face. He tried to hide his eyes under his bangs but that didn't help all that much.

I thought about closing my eyes again because, suddenly, I felt really tired. As if a wave of exhaust just body slammed me. I wanted to close my eyes but I didn't want to take them off of my pitying family and... well, Akaashi.

My eyes drooped.
Akaashi leaned down. I thought he was going to put his head on my chest. Why would he do that?

Instead, he leaned toward my face. I could see his features up close. His eyes were closed but tears continued streaming out of them. His eye lashes were damp and had drops of tears strung here and there.

He kissed my cheek. It didn't seem nice or particularly loving.

I don't know how, but I just knew.

That kiss was a goodbye.

Bittersweet and far away.

I could feel it in the way his lips hung there for a moment, wanting to not let go. He whispered in my ear, and this, I could understand.

"Thank you,"

His voice didn't shake, nor was it meek. I could hear him swallow. I saw his Adam's apple tremble a little. I think he chuckled.

This was when all the flashbacks came crashing back.

When he first asked for directions as a first year when he was lost.

The first time we laughed together. I thought my stomach was gonna explode.

When he asked me if I wanted a cream bun, his favorite. So naturally, I let him have it.

That time when we switched lunches because he didn't really like plum onigiris. I had given him a rice bento, I think.

All the times he needed reassurance. 'I know I mess up, but can you tell me right now, to my face.. that I'm a good person?'

The way he would look at the sun setting so lovingly, as if it were something he would have wanted to treasure forever. Unfortunately, no one owns the sun.

But here he was, giving me a goodbye kiss.

I wonder if I'm going home. It's been long enough.

not me about to cry while revising

716 words