The Light That Shine Bright In The Dark

Chapter 17

I sat on my bed resting my head on the hardboard, my eyes closed and ears almost bursting from the music my headphone was blaring. I was confused and felt as if Sawyer had cheated on me even though we weren't really a thing. I was scared of him considering me as a target and wanting to toy with my feelings.

I pulled my hair wondering when I had gotten into this blunder.  You need to clear things out for your self. Following my mind, I dialled Sawyer's and waited for him to answer but the call went straight into message. I gave up and threw the phone on the dressing mirror and went into the shower thinking that maybe the hot shower might calm me.

Stepping out of the shower I was intrigued to find Sawyer standing in my bedroom. A gasp escaped my mouth and I quickly covered my hand over my mouth. I wasn't sure if I was imagining until Sawyer's lustful eyes scanned me. I was only wearing a bathrobe that barely covered my knees.

"Great with that Sawyer, Always breaking into my room." I muttered sarcastically.

"You weren't answering my call...I was worried." I let out a humourless chuckle.

"I call you, you don't pick up and when I do the same you just break into my room." Sawyer stared at the floor as if he suddenly found the marbles interesting.

"Am sorry." He let out his eyes still fixed on the ground.

"Sorry for breaking into my room or heart." I ask trying to control the tears that were threatening to escape.

Sawyer took a step to stand close to me yet he kept distance. His lemon cologne was threatening me to grab him and bury my face in his neck. Battling the feeling of wanting him, I turned my gaze away from him.
"Please leave." I uttered feeling helpless as my heart danced to his presence.

"I know he told you?" He was referring to Roy and his little secret.

I turned my face towards him gazing at his deep crystal blue eyes that were swimming with emotions.
"Yah he did tell me the play boy you are." A look of guilt crossed his eyes as he lowered his head. "You are not defending yourself?" I asked hoping that he will call out a lie on Roy but my heart painfully broke when he shook his head and muttered under his breath,
"It's true but..." he ran his hand through his hair as his image became blurry in my vision due to the tears that were brimming in my eyes. "but that was the past. I was stupid teenager back then."

"You are still a teenager." I was playing hard to keep my voice from breaking.

"Won't you hear me out? Don't you want to hear why I did so?" Our gazes locked and for a moment I lost myself in his ocean like eyes. I was drowning in the emotions that were swirling in his eyes and our eyes refused to break from each others spell. My breath got hitched in my throat like he had hypnotized my limbs since I stood fixed on to the ground as he took steps close to me, his eyes never leaving mine.
He brushed my brown locks away from my face, tucking it behind my ears. Only when his cold large hand brushed softly against my cheeks did I regain my conscience and took a step back.

"Please leave." I begged realizing the effects he had on me. I would be angry with him and still crave for his perfect lips against mine, I will still want him to touch me and do anything to me if he stayed a bit longer.

"I will but first you have to hear me out. I lov.." I cutted him off.

"Oh! Am sure you said the same to her. I don't think there's any excuse and reason for breaking someone's heart. You don't know what real love is..don't claim what you know not about." I sat on the floor and leaned against my bed, burying my face into my hand as the tears came pouring wanting to shamelessly display me as the weak one.

"Hey am sorry." Sawyer whispered scooting next to me yet keeping the small space between us for the air to occupy.
"I was lost back then, three years ago.." he started while I listened attentively yet not moving my head from between my knees.
"You couldn't expect less from a sixteen years old boy whose mother committed suicide..." his voice broke slightly and I suddenly raised my head causing my neck to hurt in the process. I saw the tears shimmering in his eyes and was sure he was fighting the buttle of keeping it under his eyelids. I knew one blink, and the tears will finds its desired destination.

I moved my hand and placed it onto his cold one that was slightly shaking from the memory. There was no sound for few seconds except for the screeching sound of the glass window that was been grazed by the branch of a tree growing by my window side.

"I came from school that tuesday shouting my mom's name and wanting to surprise her with the medal I was given for being the top one in sports. I remember throwing my bag by the door and dashing to her room only to find my heart break into thousands of pieces. I shouted and ran up to her. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her sitting calmly on her swinging chair and blood oozing from her hand as she stared ahead of her. I shook her more than ten time but her eyes never fell on me nor did her hand stroke my head like she usually does. I hugged her and cried till the cops made me part from her. I figured out later that it was my dad who called them.

I sat in my parents room crying while my mom was taken into the ambulance. I sat there lifeless until I saw a letter on my mom's dressing table. I took it and read.
Can you believe what the letter said." Sawyer was sobbing like a baby but I stayed quiet waiting him to let it all out.
In him I saw my pain and realized we both were similar in someway. We both lost loved ones except in his story it was a suicide.

"The letter said

'Dear Sawyer your mama loves you alot and know that you are her pride. You my love are a light to my darkened heart and everytime I look at you, my heart feel contentment. You have made me happy but forgive your mama coz she will not be able to see you grow into a fine man. Am sure you will be the hot charming guy in the future just like your dad except you won't cheat on your lady. I pray you never think of doing that because my child, it hurts and a woman's heart is delicate.
I don't even know why am telling you this. You mama is crazy. Forgive me Sawyer because I no longer find life interesting (weird, I know) I decided to stay strong but I loved and still do love your dad and seeing him with my best friend is more painful than death. I hope my love you understand me, I know you will my smart boy. Just know my blessings will always be with you and in heaven we shall meet.
  With love,mommy.'

"I was angry at my dad and Ruth; Roy's mother for cheating on my mom and causing her death. I wanted revenge and after months of thinking I thought there was no way better than making them taste their own medicine. I decided to fall-fake in love with Emily; Roy's younger sister. She was a sweet person and it was hard to not like her and had to keep reminding myself of my motives. I succeeded in breaking her heart and mine because I felt shitty for doing what my mom warned me against." He sobbed hard and I straddled him so I could hug him to my chest. He buried his face in my chest sobbing painfully like a kid with my tears flowing too.