Losing my real self

Beneath the earth

I look ahead the field where lilies and roses are looking so beautiful and adorable,it's been a year since Catherine has been buried,that last day,when her corpse laid in state at her home she looked like she was in a slumber,but here she lays beneath the earth quiet and peaceful,the robins are chirping,hoping from an oak tree to another,I sit underneath the tree near her tomb,dropping my backpack with a thud, I quickly unzip it and bring out a small notebook focusing on the memories we had together as a kid it looked as if we were made for one another until something tragic tore us apart,all this years it wasn't hate I held within me,it was the pain of loss.

I hope to make this a beautiful story that people would look on to life positively,they wouldn't cave in like I did,they would heal,they would grow,they would love and most of all forgive.

A beautiful story written with pain,tears,sadness joy,progress,love,everything that it took to lose and to gain myself back again.

I sit there thinking about everyone around me,even though I have lost but I still have more to lean on and everyday of our lives is a day to make something good out of it.

And so I press my pen to the notebook and allow the words flow,a book that's to be published,it doesn't matter how many that read this book,what really matters is the hearts that would be healed .

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"Mmmmm,this is delicious ", I say licking the crumbs of velvet cake on my fingers,my eyes darting towards the tray with my mouth watering

Miranda giggles and holds the tray towards me
"Hey,Have more",she says and I hungrily pick another to eat.

"Tastes just like my mom's ", I say with my mouth full just then kayvin enters the room,my cheeks flush with embarrassment and he shakes his head smiling at me,he grabs a cake himself and sits

"I can't believe it's already a year,Jane ",kayvin says and we nod in agreement munching on the cake that I never seem to be okay with I feel like Oliver asking for more.

"Yh me too, I feel sad how we all lived our lives in guilt,sadness and anger ",I say letting out a breathe,

"I heard on news this morning that Philip's step brother has been arrested due to some fake documents claiming that he has ownership of the company "

"Just as expected that's all I have been waiting for,he never knew the documents were fake and I had to plan things underground strategically making sure he falls into pits he digs himself",I say and kayvin winks at me.

"You should be a detective or probably a lawyer or journalist ",he says and I giggle,I walk towards the wine cellar grabbing a bottle of wine and three glasses,I drop them on the counter and go in for ice cube bucket filling each glass with ice cubes after which I pour the wine.

"Cheers to a new life,in remembrance of our beloved Catherine,and for the victories we won and for the happy days ahead.", We click our glasses together just then there's a knock on the door followed by the ring of the doorbell,I put down my glass and walk towards the door wondering who it would be.

Just as I open the door, I am surprised by a rough deep kiss on my lips and I am sure my eyes may have popped out at that moment,just then I hear someone whistle behind me and I am brought to my senses that I push whoever it is away from me.

"What???You!!!?"I ask when my eyes lands on him.

"I don't know how I would thank you Jane(he sniffs),you never abandoned me and you have always been there fighting my battles, I am sorry how I treated you back then",he says going on his knees and I stop him quickly.

"Hey Philip!you don't have to do this,it's ok,your pain is mine and your joy is mine as well ok".

"Jane..."

"Philip?"

Tears run down my cheek and it's hard for my brain to take in the sight before me.

"You helped me fight and get what's mine and now I can't take care of the company alone,aside that I need you by my side every second,Miss Jane Thompson would you marry me?",he asks on his knee his eyes pleading with me.

I smile and look carefully at the ring in his hand,
"I think you should try again next time "I wink and leave him kneeling smiling to myself.

Ouch.But he deserved that anyway,Mr.Course rep,my mind drifts to the beginning of the times when I wasn't myself,when he would just come passing by just to check on me,maybe I was in love by then but now I'm just not ready,if he could give another year or years maybe.

Miranda walks into the kitchen and pours herself water after she's done drinking she sits by the island.

"Certain things comes just once and the next moment you would wish for what you closed your eyes on a few minutes ago",she says and I let out a breathe.

"What's love Miranda? I don't think I and him can have such an intimate relationship ", I say looking out of the window,two birds have landed on the rocking chair and they look so close and lovey. I chuckle and look away.

"I guess everything around me looks like an object of love,I think I love him"
I say chuckling more and Miranda joins in

"Hey,That idiot is still kneeling outside,he says he's not leaving and that he knows in a big part of his heart that you would come saying yes"Miranda says chocking on laughter

"You ain't serious are you??"I asked laughing out loud.

"Go look for yourself..."

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Life is how you live it,you can choose to live in pain without forgiveness,without caring for others,without loving yourself,no matter what happens don't lose your real self cause you are so precious to everyone.

THE END
Thanks for choosing to read this book to the very end and voting at every chapter please don't forget to share to save someone from losing their real self.

Next book(Things We Do),don't miss the third book,let's meet there.