Losing my real self

There's total darkness

I slump into the sofa feeling so emotionless when the policeman finally told me about the news, I just laughed and told him that he might be joking and I'm going to wait for my dad until he's back, so he left giving me pitiful looks, I need not that, I am fine and I know dad would be back, my legs hang up in the air cause I can't contain the pain, my index finger is also yelling in pain, but that isn't my worry now before I knew it, I have fallen asleep.

I hear the chirping of birds, they feel so carefree, nothing to worry about, I wish that's how my life is, to wake up every morning to know that you have a safe family and spend every moment with them, but the silence in the house is much more than a death sentence, I lazily walk to the washroom and empty my bowels of the food I ate last night, brush my teeth, shampoo my long thick black hair, take a bath and sit behind the dressing mirror, my hair is dripping wet as I toss the hair blower in my hands and switch it on with its sound filling the house after I am done, I move to the closet for black pants with a pure white cardigan with black heels and a black purse, I pull the dress onto my body and apply makeup before styling my hair, I sure look good always on my black moody days. I try breathing trying my best to embrace the worst of the day, my chest rise and fall heavily, tears well up in my eyes, my dad is in a life and death condition, he had a serious car accident and he's still in comma, doctors have confirmed him dead, but I don't know why I still hold on this little hope, but now I feel that the sun is coming down and soon there would be total darkness, I catwalk out of the house walking down the walkway, as soon as I reach the fifth house I take a deep breath slowly,

"There are physical wounds and emotional wounds as well, you suffer the physical, I take the emotional, there are still scars anyway after every wound", I thought to myself and walk briskly to the bus station.

I hate visiting the hospital, it makes me feel nauseous, I walk to the desk and request for an accident victim who was admitted last night, the nurse asks for his name and I tell her before she directs me to the accident unit, I open the door to the ward and peep in, the bed looks messy I walk into the room and search around but there is no one available, I saw a brown envelope lying on the table and I soon recognize my dad's cursive handwriting which makes me smile and sniff, I picked it up and just when I was about reading it, a nurse walks in,

"Miss??"She calls out to me
"Where's my dad," I ask
She shakes her head looking a bit confused.
"The patient here has been transferred "she replies and I look at her questionably.

"To which ward, let me know ", I ask anxiously

"I'm sorry to say miss, the patient woke up this Dawn, mentioning about his daughter, he requested for a pen and paper and it took us hours to figure out what he wanted to say but it was just a word he managed to say and fell back to his bed dead.", She rambled and I fell to the ground my knees giving me away, I had actually punished myself wearing high heels on a wounded leg or maybe the news about the death of my father has given me away, I feel so empty without any kind of emotion, no pain, no tears, no sweat, no bitterness, the only thing I couldn't do was to breathe, not that I ever did anyway. I feel the weight of the paper that holds only one word in my hands, just one word my father left me with,

The door swings open and I see him stand there, his eyes are bloodshot and I wonder what the problem was with him, was he here because of me?? how did he know I was here?? these questions flood through my mind and he walks closer to me

"Jane!"
"Philip"
We both call out at the same time, tears fall from his eyes and he drowns me into a warm hug

"I'm sorry Jane", he spits out and I wonder what he's sorry about

"You need not be sorry, I am fine" I assure him but he shook his head wiping tears from his eyes.

He drove me back home in silence, there is a heavy atmosphere surrounding me like dark clouds when it's about to rain, he offers to keep me company but I told him I would be fine on my own and quickly shut the door slowly slipping unto the ground, the House felt so empty and hollow, I wish someone could borrow me a river flow of tears to empty my dying eyes and release my imprisoned soul out of its grief, how long would I be this way, why is the story of my life filled with grief.

I wasn't able to reach the 1k target of words, it's a short chapter but I'm glad it still has the vital item I would want to share with you, what do you think is the only word her father told her as his last words, what do you think about Jane??? And Philip???

Please vote, comment, and don't stop reading, thanks 🙏.