Losing my real self

Family gathering and memorial.

Happy weekend, Happy reading

Every Christmas Eve has been marked by dad as a day for family gatherings and mom's memorial, Dad works as a manager of a soft drink company,therefore it wasn't a headache during this preparations,but this time my aunt offered to host the gathering,meaning the work load has been lifted off my shoulders, so all we would offer is drinks, I was so much relieved by this and hummed to the bathroom dancing and shaking my boobs, I was in a good mood today one wouldn't even guess it's a day of sadness and joy mixed together, I picked the shower and lifted it up to my lips singing on top of my voice, I only wish I could bring the house down, my dad shouted from downstairs that he wouldn't want the neighbors knocking on the door, I only laughed and told him not to worry as I continued blabbing the lyrics of Taylor Swift's song about Romeo and Juliet, I got the lyrics wrongly but who cares, I kept swaying my hips and laughed at how I got the whole thing wrongly, bad singer, bad dancer, I scooped cold water on my body and took a quick bath to avoid trouble since dad hated lateness on this special day. I quickly rushed to the wardrobe not knowing what to even wear, oh gosh, I pulled out a navy blue dress which hanged loosely on me and had a cross bridle below my boobs, who cares, I say and roll my eyes, heading towards my shoe receptacle, I scrunch my face in a thoughtful manner and decided on silver heels, I grabbed my phone and stuffed it into my silver purse and rushed downstairs forgetting to apply makeup, Dad looked at his wristwatch and shook his head slowly

"we would be a few minutes late, but that ain't bad", he says and I smile sweetly at him.

"You know I would buy the world to see you smile every day", he said and I giggled, wiggling into his arms.

We hit the high way, thankfully there was no traffic and we drove smoothly to my cousin's apartment. As soon as we rang the bell it was opened and Michael the young son of the family welcomed us in, as I stepped in I breathed the sweet aroma of cake and meals they were cooking, I noticed unfamiliar faces and I frowned a bit, asking who on earth invites strangers to a family gathering but who cares, Dad excused himself and he was soon engaged with the adults, I looked around hoping to see Lovelace, I snaked myself through the little crowd and entered the kitchen, even the guys were busy preparing something, upon seeing me, they all expressed joy for seeing me, they never stopped saying how beautiful I was glowing.
I offered to help dish out the food into large bowls, and soon food was mounted on the dining table. Everyone held a drink in their hands as some sat on the couch and others stood in groups, the kids were running around bumping into the adults, and I and Lovelace just stayed in the kitchen sitting on the island, I had no one to lean on during those times of my mom's death, Lovelace saw me hidden under the stairs sobbing and came to comfort me ever since then we have been close, she's two years older than I and very smart, right now she's taking courses abroad, though she somehow was my comfort, she doesn't know about my fears or weakness, she only sees me as one who has a loss, everyone sees me be strong but deep within I was a weak vessel. We gist a lot about current happenings in our lives laughing heartily and teasing each other, Just then a fine gentleman walked into the kitchen requesting for water, I looked at Lovelace and she whispered to me that he is a neighbor and nodded, she quickly stood to the fridge and from the corner of my eyes I could see him staring at me, I picked up my phone scrolling through, soon Lovelace gave him the water and he gulped it like a thirsty fish, I looked at him as his adam's apple kept moving, we made eye contact and soon he was choking, I stood quickly and pat his back.

"Be careful, you could hurt yourself?" I said and he nodded saying thanks and went out of the kitchen.

Lovelace just sat there with her hand under her chin smiling mischievously at me, when I asked her what was wrong, she only raised her brow at me.

"You and Richard, what's up," She asked.
"what do you mean," I asked

"You think I didn't see the chemistry between you two ", she said and I shook my head, you might have been imagining things, I said and dragged her out of the kitchen into the hall, everyone was now sitting around the long dining table, we said our prayers and like every memorial, everyone held a candle, one person would lit his candle than in order, the next person would him the other person's candle, it is to signify the hope of carrying on, and meant that we were all in together, that when one was burnt we are all affected, this is the first time seeing neighbors among us, they were so lost to this ritual. We then give the dead a minute silence to signify respect, after which some would weep, sniff, or even laugh, after the ritual I smiled and I felt content. Soon everyone dug into their meal, after which there subsisted music to which we sway and jump to.
"Today's going to be a long night, cheers," I said to Lovelace raising my glass to meet hers.

"May I have a dance with you miss??", he said.

"Richard's your name right ", I asked and he nodded and gave me a smile.

I gave him my hand and Lovelace squinted at me. I only rolled my eyes and we headed towards the dance floor, just then I remembered how bad a dancer, just as we hit the dance floor, "Sway" by Luis Fonsi plays and we swayed to the music, I couldn't stop giggling, and looks Richard enjoyed the dance as well, soon the music came to an end and we rushed outside to take fresh air as the room became so hot

"Hey you're good at dancing ", Richard said and I burst out laughing.

"Moi, nope, I'm a bad dancer, or just want to tease me ", I said and he raised his eyebrows at me.

" I don't even know your name," He said.

"Jane Thompson ", I said and stretched my hand towards him for a handshake.

"Nice meeting you ", we both said in unison.

There was complete silence between us and I feel a bit nervous, actually, it's too early that I should have a crush on him, but here I stood with butterflies flapping their wings in my tummy.

"Erm...I think should go now " I said and turned to leave, he held my wrist and pulled me back

"You haven't told me much about yourself," he says and I give a sad smile.

"There's nothing interesting about me, today just happens to be a day I am bubbling and I have done this in a very long time," I said.

He frowns and purses his lips a bit with his hands in his pocket.

"What's it that makes your life not interesting," he says.
I shook my head slowly and excused myself running back into the house, he's biting more than he should, I walked to the minibar at the back of the dining room, and pour myself a glass of wine, I didn't check the alcohol percentage, soon I was drinking glass after glass and it seemed everyone is too busy to even know what's going on, after having half bottle of wine I staggered to the dance hall, I became so loud, clapping and jumping in the air, soon everyone stopped dancing and focussed on me cheering me on, silly people if you should know how drunk wrecked I am, I pulled others to the dance floor and soon I realized I was drowning deep insane, I grabbed a random guy and kissed him and that was when everyone gaped in shock in horror, I ended up puking and slumped unto the cold floor.

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