The Void Between Stars: Book 4 Of The Orion Series

The Not So Distant Past

[Trigger Warning: Brief mention of suicide attempt.]

"Pumpkin!"

I literally run over to Gloria. She laughs when I pick her up and spin her. Setting her back down on her kitten heels, I can't help but beam at her. Playfully she bats my arm before we sit.

"You look good!" she tells me, and I can tell she's genuinely saying that because it's true.

I run a hand through my hair, still smiling. "Thanks. Things are going well."

She leans forward and clasps my hand a moment. "That's wonderful! Oh, I am so relieved."

I'm still smiling. I can't help it. Gloria is literally one of my favorite people in the entire world.

"Yeah. I don't know if it's because this is my second time doing this, or maybe I'm just truly looking for change this time around, but things are going really smoothly—" I cut myself off and immediately panic, grabbing some tissue and proffering it to Gloria. "Why are you crying? What's wrong?"

Gloria laughs and gently wipes away her tears, trying to not smudge her makeup. Once done, she waves her hands in front of her bright red face and laughs, embarrassed. "Nothing is wrong. Quite the opposite."

I can tell she wants to say something more. I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow. "And?"

"Are you really looking for change this time around?"

I grow silent for a moment and look at my lap. When I finally speak, it's quiet and my voice cracks. "Y-yeah, I am. I really think I am."

I lift my head and she's crying again. I smile at her fondly. "Please don't cry. I think—I think this was really my wake up call. I treated everyone like shit; I'm not just talking about trying to kill myself."

"Oh ma cariño."

I let my eyes drop off to the side, and I barely manage to get out the last sentence. "Plus I lost the love of my life, so..."

There's an awkward silence. I hate it. Wanting it to end, I continue to speak, even if I don't want to.

"Er, has anyone...Did anyone—"

"Talk to Tristan?" she finishes gently for me.

I nod.

Hesitation, and then, "Yes."

Surprising even myself, I smile. "Great! How is he?"

"Fine," is all I get from her, and I frown. She reaches forward and pats my knee. "He's worried about you."

I perk up a little. "He is?"

She gives me her signature Gloria scowl. "Of course he is. Orion—he was in love with you. Of course he's worried about your well being."

He was in love with you. Was. That stung.

Once more my eyes fall. I'm still smiling, but it's wrought with disappointment. "Yeah, well, I really fucked that one up, didn't I?"

"Orion—" she starts to say, but I cut her off with a forced brightness to my smile.

"How's Jake?"

"He's—" a dark shadow passes over her face. "Good."

I frown deeply at her.

She looks like a deer in headlights. Very gently, and very quietly then, she speaks. "He...doesn't want to see you. Or speak to you."

Well, fuck me. That felt like someone took a gardening spade and just stabbed me in the heart with it. Gloria saw it written on my face, and she rushed on.

"Not until you're out, anyway."

Laughing bitterly, I turn my head to the side. "Can't say I blame him."

"Really?" Gloria snaps, and I look at her, surprised. "Because I do."

My eyes go wide. "W-what?"

"Yeah, you did him wrong. You did us all wrong. Pumpkin—I know it's not you though. It's your demons and your addiction." She scowls angrily. "You need support right now, you don't need to be put in time out by your best friend."

I lean forward, and I'm sure the look in my eye isn't nice. I mean it, though, because hopefully she'll see into my soul then. "Gloria—I slept with Jake after I broke up with Tristan."

She blinks, stunned.

"At the party."

More shocked blinking.

"Willingly."

"I—I didn't know." She screws up her face. "I thought that was a long dead subject for you two?"

I chuckle bitterly, running a hand through my hair. "I thought so too, until he got sloshed at the party and kissed me."

Once more she looks stunned.

"So I was a prick. He was drunk and vulnerable, I was sober and knew what I was doing. I used him for sex in an attempt to get over Tristan."

Gloria still looks stunned, but also a creeping tendril of disappointment is starting to sneak in.

"I knew what I was doing and I took advantage of him. Then the next time we spoke I manipulated him into giving me Simon's number so I could get what I OD'd on."

Gloria's face has gone neutral, and I know it's because she doesn't trust herself. She probably doesn't trust herself to not show the malcontent she feels towards me now. So I make it easy for her. I lean in and speak softly, looking her dead in the eyes.

"So while I truly, deeply appreciate everyone rallying around me after all the shit I've done, I think that, out of anyone, Jake has every right to be pissed. He has every right to, as you said, 'put me in time out'."

"I didn't know any of that," she says softly.

I look away in shame. "I don't think anyone does besides him and I. Well, and Olivia, but she only knows I slept with him."

"You're going to make it right with Jacob, right?"

Now I glare. "Are you asking as my friend or as my manager?"

She looks hurt and it kills me. That wasn't my intent, but I had spoken without thinking. "As your friend, Orion."

I look away, ashamed. "S-sorry."

"Do you even want to be his friend?"

"Of course I do," I scoff. "If I could just take back everything I would. I'd still be with Tristan, I never would have slept with Jake, and I sure as shit wouldn't have tried to commit suicide."

She smiles a sad, proud sort of smile.

"So yes. When I get out of here, I am going to try my hardest to set everything right that I can."

Gloria hesitates, and then, "And the things you can't make right?"

I frown and look away. "Well...Then it will be time to move on. What else can I do?"