The Void Between Stars: Book 4 Of The Orion Series

The Art Of Growing Up Damaged

[TRIGGER WARNING!!! Dubious consent flashback. Reader discretion is HIGHLY ADVISED.]

That night, as I sat alone in the guest bedroom, the table lamp drowning everything in warm, glowing light, all I can think about is Tristan. My brain is so hooked on him. Everything about him. His looks, what we had been through, the good and the bad. I loved him so damn much it was hurting my head.

I didn't know if I would ever be given the opportunity to make amends with him. It was an unknown variable if he would pick up, should I call him. My mind drifts back to the hospital; how he told me I could have called him. I (in perfect jerk-Orion fashion) questioned if that option was really there after I broke up with him. Tristan assured me that it had.

Was it still on the table?

I began to write down everything I would tell him if I ever got the chance to. And the more I wrote, the more frantic I became. With every passing minute the words flowed from the deep recesses of my mind down my arm, through my pen, onto paper. After a point I realized I wasn't even writing a letter, but composing a song. Through realizing that, the melody that had been stuck in my head for absolute months now began to play in my head. It fit the words I was writing perfectly.

I grabbed my acoustic and began to pluck out the melody. As quietly as I could, I sang my apologizes into the night. I sang about how I was scared because I needed him so much. I sang about how I wanted him still.

Surprising myself, I referenced myself taking pills. I sang about how he made me feel like a mess, but in a good way. I poured my heart and soul into the lyrics, my insecurities, my failures. But through it all, I just wanted him to come back.

I would give anything if he would just wait for me.

I know I didn't deserve that, but I wanted it.

By the time I'm done with the song it's long and it's rambling, and I don't think it's very good, and I'm crying. Crying because it felt so good to write a song again. Also crying because, here I had written a song for Tristan, and he was never going to hear it. 

So I put down my guitar, curled up into a ball, and cried myself to sleep.

~

I was dreaming.

"Hey you!" I greeted Stacy enthusiastically.

"Hi!" she said somewhat shyly. Before she let me into her house, she leaned forward and put a kiss on my lips.

When I enter I slip off my shoes. Her demeanor seemed immediately off. It's...weird. I can't pinpoint yet what's off, but she just seems...different.

Thinking nothing of it, I smile brightly at her. "So! What's on the agenda today?"

Stacy looks shy. "Well, my parents aren't home. They're down in their lake house, in Wisconsin."

"Oh," I tease, walking into the house, holding up my hands. "Well, la dee da! A lake house. Sorry I barely have milk money."

Stacy laughs and shoves me. "Shut up."

"So," I say, turning around and walking backwards through her dining room. "Whatdoyawanna do?"

"You," she blurts out, but then turns red.

I don't know how to respond, so I just blink at her. Stacy barks out a laugh.

"I'm joking. Let's go swimming, okay?"

"Oh..." I say. I look down at myself and bite my lip. "I didn't--I didn't know we'd be swimming. I didn't bring my trunks."