Please forgive me - love 𝑀𝒶𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒

Chapter 5 - The balcony

Marinette POV

⚠️this whole chapter is a TW⚠️
I woke up with an intense feeling of guilt. I feel so guilty about leaving my friends and family in the dark, for lying all the time. I was laying turned away from Cat, facing the wall. I turn around to see him sleeping so peacefully on his back, like a starfish. I needed to go outside to think about stuff, but I didn't want to wake him up so I carefully got out of bed and climbed up the ladder that led to my balcony. I spend a lot of my time up there, just thinking about stuff. "I don't remember the last time I was able to get through a whole night without climbing up here" I thought to myself. I stand at the edge of my balcony with my arms leaning on the railing. "Why do I feel like this? I had a great day today with Cat I should be happy" I thought to myself. I stood there in silence just feeling the cool midnight air up against my body. It was chilly outside now, and I could feel goosebumps start to form down my arms and back. "There were no people on the streets anymore, it must be pretty late into the night. My parents are probably home by now, I hope they had a nice evening together." I thought to myself. Although I was free and had nothing holding me back, I could feel a crushing weight on my whole body, trying to force me down to the ground. It felt as thought every part of me was being held down by this invisible guilty force. I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes. Even my eyelids felt as if something was trying to close them shut. I allow myself to fall to the ground, with my knees bent behind me so I was sitting on my feet. In that moment I felt so hopeless. Everything hurt. In that moment, even breathing felt too difficult. I looked down at the concrete floor as tears started to fall down my face, one by one. Breathing started to become impossible, as if I was being suffocated from the inside out. In that moment I felt so much I didn't know what to do. I thought I was going to die. I dug my nails into my forearm in attempts to feel something other then this overwhelming feeling of nothingness and fear, but all I was able to do was cry harder and more uncontrollably.

Cat noir POV

It was 2 am and I rolled over and moved my arm up to where Mari was sleeping, but to my surprise, there was no one there. "She probably got up to use the bathroom or something" I thought to myself, so I rolled over on my side and decided to wait for her to come back. After about 5 minutes, she still hasn't come back, so I decided to get up to see if everything was okay. I climbed down the stairs from her bed and made my way to her bathroom. All of the lights were off in the house, and I didn't see any sign of movement anywhere. "Where could she be at 2 in the morning?" I thought to myself. I made my way back into her room. At this point I was really starting to wonder where she could be. Suddenly I heard something coming from the balcony. I look up to see the trapdoor slightly open. "Why would Marinette be outside at 2 am?" I thought to myself. I carefully climbed up the ladder trying to be as quiet as possible, to not be heard. I opened the trapdoor to see Mari sat on the floor crying. I quickly made my way to the to the top of the balcony and walked over to kneel beside Mari. "Are you okay princess?" I asked in a concerned voice. This only caused her to cry even harder then before. I quickly wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to my chest. I could feel her body shaking and her breathing started to become more irregular and faster. "I can't do this Cat. I don't know what to do anymore" Mari sobs onto my chest. I pull her in tighter and I kiss the top of her head in attempts to make her feel safe. I noticed that she was digging her nails into her forearm, so I discreetly slide one of my hands between her nails and forearm to prevent her from doing any more damage. Mari continues to cry into my chest for the next 10 minutes, until her sobs are replaced with hyperventilation and more shaking. We sat there in the cool air while I kept repeating that she was safe over and over again for a few more minutes. I shielded off the cold with my back, trying to warm her up. It wasn't long until I could feel her body sink further into my arms, her breathing started to become more regular and she stopped shaking. I look down and realize that she fell asleep, again. "she was so tired that she cried herself to sleep" I thought to myself. My eyes started to tear up at the thought of her being in so much pain, but I quickly brush it off and carry her down back to bed. I set her down on her side with her knees bent so that she was facing me, and I covered her with the blanket. Her face was covered in tears and left over makeup, so I decided to clean her up a bit. I walk over to the bathroom and grab a face towel, then I wet the corner of it with warm water and squeeze the excesses water out. I then make my way back onto the bed and I carefully move up to where Mari's head is laying and I cradle her face in my hand. I use the wet side of the towel to gently clean up her face from all of the leftover makeup and tears. "You helped clean me up, so now I will help you" I whispered quietly under my breath. After she was all cleaned up, I hung up the small towel at the edge of the bed to dry and I laid down next to her.
The rest of the night I spent in thought. "What did Mari mean when she said that she couldn't do this? Is someone hurting her? What did she mean?" I thought to myself while watched my Mari sleep.