Continuation...
"Do you know how those lies hurt me? It made me think that you will set me aside when you found someone you love. That you will leave me for him." Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat.
I went to her side and hugged her whispering sorry's.
"Why, Rosie? Why did you lie? And why you don't want to be with me?"
I made my bestfriend cry.
That's the last thing i wanna do that i will never do and yet, here she is. Then i remember her questions.
Should i?
Should i confess?
"I don't think i can do that when..when it's you-- it's you that i want." I started holding her face in my hands, wanting to see her every reaction.
"I'm sorry for avoiding you. I did that not knowing i will be fooling myself i will ever get to moved on from you. I only wasted the time and i regret it." I took a deep breath.
"I like you, Lisa. I love you, Lisa. Like like more than a friend. I love you more than a bestfriend, more than a family. You are my person i want to share everything that i have."
She stopped crying. Her eyes full of questions.
"I can't go exclusively date other people when all i wished is you to be that person. I can't entertain my suitors when i wished it's you hoping to be yours." I lowered my head when i saw how intensed she looked.
"I.. I've been in love you since we were teens. And you don't know how happy i was to spent my life with you. Having you there for me. Supporting me in every thing i do."
"And i felt sad whenever you said you don't want anyone to be seen with me when all i wanted was to show you off." I added.
"I know. I know that i might ruin this friendship because of my confession but ever since, i do things with more than a love of a friendship to you. I am more than just happy whenever i make you smile. I am more than just happy when i feel like the bigger person to the both of us."
I looker at her and she was just sitting there looking at me. Her eyes are full emotion i couldn't tell what.
Her silence is giving me nerves.
"Lis, please say something." I almost plead.
"I'm sorry."
Is this it?
LISA.
"I'm sorry."
That's all i could mutter after hearing her confession.
I'm overthinking everything. I'm not even trusting myself right now.
I mean, yes i am happy. Beyond happy when i heard her say i love you to me but at the same time, fear of those words. I'm afraid of her feelings.
Lisa Manoban is a coward.
What should i do?
Can i be selfish and accept her?
But what will people say? What will her fans say if they found out? Her company? What if they find my skeleton in the closet? She's an idol in a country who barely accepts LGBT. How long we will gonna fight for our relationship?
Should i keep her as a friend?
Then i'm gonna hurt my bestfriend for turning her down. And that means, our friendship will still be ruined coz she might avoid me and say she have to move on and distancing herself from me is the best solution. And what about me? I'm gonna hurt myself too for hurting her.
