A/N This was a request by @rubycarroll1 and takes place before Six of crows, so I won't be adding Matthias because he was still in Hellgate.
Inej Pov.
Inej quickly noticed that something was wrong with Kaz, he was quieter than usual and his responses to Jesper's jokes had less venom than usual. He refused to talk to anyone while doing his paperwork or answer any questions while explaining his plan.
the others had noticed it too, she could tell by how Jesper made as many jokes as he could. Wylan tried to distract him with his new bomb designs and half baked ideas. She had been trying to make small talk while sharpening her knives and he did his work. Nina even offered to go to get waffles together, but nothing worked.
At about noon Jesper pulled them all into a secluded room to discuss what was going on.
"I just don't understand!" Jesper whined, "what's up with him today? It's just a normal day! Why is he so upset?!"
"Maybe It's the anniversary of something." Wylan suggested, "I know that I always get sad on the anniversary of family deaths"
"But Kaz doesn't have family" Nina stated
"Of course he does" Inej said, "everyone has some sort of family"
"then where is his?" Nina questioned, "where's his family photo albums?"
"Maybe they're not around anymore." Wylan suggested, "Maybe that's why he's so off"
"so what are we supposed to do?" Nina asked, "We aren't necromancers, and even if we were, it probably wouldn't help him to see his grandma's corpse walk into his rooms."
"I say we just leave him be." Wylan said, and at the socked looks on the others' faces specified, "If he is mourning then he needs time to do it on his own, you can't just get rid of a loss with some jokes and food, you need time."
"Ok." Jesper said, "But I'm still going to try and cheer him up."
Kaz Pov.
Kaz knew that he was worrying the others with his behavior, but he couldn't bring himself to feel guilty for it. He tried to lose himself in his work, hoping that he would be too focused to think about anything else for at least a few hours. It did not work. every time he started to get lost in his work, his brother's pale and lifeless face bobbing up and down in the water came back into his mind, along with the sickening feeling of flesh sticking to his fingers and a bloated body beneath his own.
he shuddered at the memory, pulling his gloves tighter around his hands.
get it together, Brekker, Kaz thought you have work to do so get your mind off of the dead
but he couldn't, not matter what he did his mind kept wandering back to those early days in Ketterdam, to the hot chocolate he drank in Mr. Hertzoon's shop, to the cold of the Alley as they tried to fight off the plague, and to the stench of death as he sat in the Reaper's Barge and waited to die, before the flame of revenge sparked his will to live.
He shook his head and tried to focus when he heard a knock at his door before Jesper, Wylan, Nina, and Inej came in.
"What do you want now." he spat, well tried to, the spite he had tried to put into his voice fell flat when he remembered that at this time nine years ago he was being tossed into a pile of corpses and death, his brother's body landing on top of him and knocking the air from his lungs.
he blinked the memory away and did his best to glare at the group, though he knew that was failing as well.
"We want you to come with us to the Cooperon." Jesper said, trying to be nonchalant, "We have some questions about this next heist and Wylan wants to show you more diagrams on his bombs."
"And why can't we discuss that here?" Kaz rasped
"because you can't look away from that paperwork if you're within ten feet of it." Nina scoffed, "And also because I'm hungry and want waffles, now come on."
Nina took his hat and coat and handed them to him. he didn't argue any more, he didn't have the energy to today.
they walked to the Kooperom in silence and quickly took one of the secluded seats in the back, there was no need to be worried about speaking freely here, the restaurant was neutral territory and the staff would say nothing about any conversations they overheard.
the others' ordered different varieties of waffles and breakfast, Kaz just got a Coffee, at least until Nina insisted on him trying their new wild berry waffles.
their food was delivered and Kaz took a sip of his drink before asking, "So what part of the plan don't you understand?"
"I don't understand what's been up with you today." Nina said, "you've been all down in the dumps and barely even argued when we asked you to come here!"
"I don't see how this is germane to your understanding of the job." Kaz said
"It's not." Nina said, "we never were going to talk about the job, but we're worried about you."
"And why is that? Nina?" Kaz snarled, "why are you so worried about me all of a sudden? You should be worrying about surviving this job."
"That's just it!" Nina said, "you're not acting like yourself at all! normally you would just get up and leave once you knew we didn't have any questions! but here you are!"
"We just want to help, Kaz" inej said
"there's nothing to help with." Kaz stated weakly, "Nothing's wrong, I'm just tired."
It was not a lie, he was exhausted. all day he had felt like he did after he left reapers barge; tired, cold, and honesly, terrified. Terrified of his brothers' vengeful spirit, plagueing him with nightmares and insecurities about being unable to avenge his unjust death.
"Well, then you need to take a break from working if it's drained you to this state" Jesper argued, clearly fed up with Kaz's blatant refusal to take care of himself
"No, I don't." Kaz argued, "This isn't a big deal! It's only one bad day"
"But what if it becomes more than that?" Wylan asked, "If you keep on working yourself to exhaustion you'll get sick, then you'll be of no use to the gang!"
"I am very well aware of my limits, Wylan." Kaz stated, getiing up from his chair, "now, if you'll excuse me, i have a job to plan."
3rd person pov.
Kaz quickly left the resturaunt before any of the others could argue and immediateky heading to his rooms at the slat, knowing full well that he would not be able to complete any more work for the day. His mind was moving too fast for him to concentrate on anything other than the waters that had begun rising up to his knees.
The others just sat there in frusterated silence, having no closer look into their mastermind's thoughts or troubles as they ever did. They had all just gien him the
Perfects chance to open up to them, not have to hold his burdens alone anymore, and he had just left. They finished their meal in silence and went back to their day as normal, leaving behing a half full cup of coffee and an untouched plate of wild berry waffles. They did not speak to or reach out Kaz again that day, leaving him to plotting whatever they were going to do alone.
Kaz had tried and failed to get the rest of his work done, thoigh it didn't surpise him, the aniversary of jordie's death had alway been an unproduvtive day for him, and he would be back to normal tommorow. Until then he settled in for the night, a bit earlier than usual, and realized that he almost felt thankful for the others, even if he pucned them away. It was nice to know that, if he asked them to, they would help carry the weight on his shoulders. He still couldn't bring himself to take off his gloves that night, the waters would become too hard to tread in if he did, but he did not have the nightmares that typically haunted his dreams that night. As he fell into a deep, restful sleep.
A/n thank you so much to rubycarroll1 for requesting this take on how Kaz would act on the anniversary of Jordie's death. I had a lot of fun writing it and hope that you enjoy reading it just as much. Also i got the idea of the Kooperom being neutral territory from Night_ShadowedCat
