The First Day

Therapy (TW)

I texted my Aunt because I wasn't sure where the office was because I wasn't sure where I was going. She told me it was like three blocks away from the school. So I went to therapy I got out and I felt pretty weird I'm not sure if I'll go back. I was on my way home when I got a call so I pulled over and answered it. "hello" I heard ruffling on the other end of the phone and was confused so I hung up and started my car again and drove off.

When i got home I walked in and was welcomed into the house by Isa giving me a big bear hug. When I walked into the kitchen my Aunt was cooking dinner when she saw me she turned around and asked if I wanted to help her I said yes of course she asked me to cut the carrots so I started cutting them when I got the sudden urge to cut myself but i couldn't so i just held it back until I least was getting ready for bed. When dinner was over i helped my Aunt do the dishes and dried them off she "Abby are you okay you have been extremely quiet since you came home" I looked up from the dishes and said " yeah i'm fine I just had a really weird day" she nodded and said she was going to put Isa in bed I just nodded.

When I was done drying off the dishes I went upstairs to go get ready for bed. I went into the bathroom grabbed my toothbrush and started brushing my teeth. When I was done brushing my teeth. I found my razor blade and started cutting this time was different though I couldn't stop. By the time I had finally drifted back to reality I had 15 cuts all the way up my arm. I feel so stupid why did I do this I was perfectly fine all day today and now im going to have to wear a sweatshirt in 90 degree weather I just need to go to bed.I cant sleep and its starting to make me mad im just tossing and turning all night im restless for no reason. Im definitely tired but maybe not tired in the way where you want to sleep maybe im just tired of fighting to be alive and having to actually care. I finally fell sleep after and hour of crying and then my alarm went 10 minutes after I fell asleep. I got up and put and over sized hoodie on and grey joggers and my white converse and was ready to go to the hell whole.