A Soft Place to land

20

Gathering the envelopes with a tired sigh, Gray haphazardly dropped them into his trash can and walked back to the table to sort everything out.

Loans, debt, debt from personal loans. They all had something in common- which was un-ironically his lack of money to pay for said mountains of debt. Unfortunately for him, his rent was way past overdue as well and his landlord was anything but a patient woman, which meant only one thing: he had to get himself an expensive client to spend the night with. Maybe even two clients in one day to hopefully dodge eviction for whenever it decides to chase him, he couldn't afford to move into another apartment, not with his pocket money.

Gray had to take a deep breath before looking back at the pile on his table. He was overthinking again, paranoia was catching up to him and he felt bile rise in his throat. He didn't know when it started, but somewhere in his adult-life, he began to feel scared.

He'd flinch if anyone even slightly touched him or looked at him, and he built up a habit of distancing himself from anyone who wasn't a client of his: in fear. What if they noticed the hickeys? The clothes? What if they could smell the alcohol on him? He could imagine it, the judging eyes on him, the whispers and the disgust. Even though Gray knew that this kind of imagery was irrational, the scenario he pictured felt too real for him not to be afraid. Maybe it was guilt, shame, or embarrassment even- either or, he couldn't handle it.

The existence of the stack of orange files didn't make him feel any better about his predicament. Nevertheless, he still had to deal with them somehow- or atleast put them away so he wouldn't have to see them. And so he did exactly that, stuffing them into a drawer filled with other overdue documents. At first, he intended for it to be an impromptu file cabinet, but over the years it began to get so crowded that he gave up on making it look presentable. An accurate representation of his life right now, honestly.

Gray felt relief wash over him as soon as he pushed the drawer shut. They were gone from his hands, hidden away from his sight- ultimately meaning that he didn't have to worry about them for a while. He wasn't one to procrastinate, in school he couldn't even dream of missing deadlines, but at this point he's missed so many that they've all begun to pile up. So much so, that he'd rather lock them away and pretend that they were never there, then properly deal with them.

Odd- but Gray had already accepted that his life was full of oddities. He fell back onto his bed and contemplated.

Yes, oddities; like that repair shop he noticed back in Yeongdeungpo 'Gogo's auto-repair shop', like Mrs. Im's toddler with the bright red hair- and even his run-ins with Wolf.

Oh, Gray absolutely could not forget the entire Wolf extravaganza, even months after it happened. No matter how hard he tried to distract himself from thinking about it, he always finds himself remembering- as if his brain was a broken record, repeating the same parts over and over again.

Sometimes he wonders if Wolf is still living in that apartment, if he could still pay for his water bill or if he's having a good dinner. It's not because he cared about Wolf's wellbeing (he really couldn't care less), but because of his interest in Wolf's successful lifestyle.

To put simply, he's only interested because he's envious of Wolf's assets. Gray couldn't help it- to him, it was surreal where Wolf ended up. He didn't end up in a ditch somewhere, and he wasn't in prison with Donald either like he expected him to be. If anything, he was living the life that no one would have expected him to live (as crude as it sounded).

Even now, as he laid on his bed, Gray questioned it.

Although, after a while of contemplation; Gray was snapped out of his trance by the sound of his ringtone. It vibrated, slowly inching its way to the edge of the mattress to the rhythm of the default music.