Blindsided

Miserere Mei, Deus

Looks like we're going to be a bit maudlin before we return to our regularly scheduled shenanigans. Thank Dotemms for this chapter being even halfway decent, even if I'm posting daily because I need to get it out of my head it's never guaranteed to be decent writing. Q^Q

Song of the chapter is Miserere mei, Deus as sung by Tenebrae Choir.

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  There was something wrong with Ruv, she was sure of it.

  It had been a week or so since the storm, and he'd been quieter than usual. His actions had become perfunctory, never lingering like he normally would and rushing from the room as soon as he could get away. He'd watch the kids as usual, but with her it seemed like there'd been a wall thrust between them, and she was left wondering just what had happened.

  Sarvente walked the pews, replacing bibles and cleaning up bits of trash left behind by parishioners after the evening Mass. Normally she took joy in seeing everyone off and the quiet that came after leading lambs to God, but her troubles weighed her down tonight and she was unfocused as she went through the motions of her duties. And when that happened, when the burden became too much to bear, she would pray.

  She knelt before the altar, shimmering with candles from Communion, plucked a long match from the cup and struck it against the flagstone. Cupping the flickering flame, she carefully lit a votive and added it to the rest, before bowing her head and clasping her hands. She didn't know if They'd hear her, their rather volatile relationship having been in place for centuries. But she still turned to Them in times like these, when she just desperately wished for some kind, any kind of guidance.

  She wished she could understand why . Ruv was never closed off with her; she sometimes felt he knew her better than she knew herself. He showed a side of himself to her that he kept locked away from the world in iron chains and stony silence, and his demeanor of late had her out in the cold for the first time in who knew how long.

  She remembered what they'd been like before. She remembered the harsh words and violent arguments and hostility. She wasn't oblivious to the fact that they'd taken many years to get to this level of comfort and trust in each other. She only wanted to know why after getting here he'd suddenly decided he needed to take a step backward.

  A drop landed on her clasped hands, and she was surprised to find her face wet with tears.

  She trusted him with her life. She didn't believe for a moment that he'd do anything to seriously hurt her, if anything he protected her with a ferocity bordering on scary. He could be callous and rude to everyone, but with her he was thoughtful and gentle. A sob wracked her body and she wiped at her eyes with shaking hands. Why did he decide now to withdraw from her, to go from her best friend to strangers living in the same home?

  The truth was she needed him, he kept her on an even keel, and without him she was feeling adrift. She kept up the facade she needed to keep from alienating the congregation, but inside she was screaming. She was irritable with everyone, curbing her tongue when she wanted to lash out from the frustration. Without Ruv to talk her down, she was dangerously close to snapping. She didn't even wake up before him anymore; he must have been up at the crack of dawn just to avoid her because she'd wake to a cold bed and him out of sight.

  She heard the latch of the sanctuary open, and she sniffed as she wiped her face clean with her hands and attempted to get herself together. The heavy tread of boots clunked over, and she felt strong arms fall around her. They sat together as her tears subsided, him occasionally brushing them from her face and righting her world with every swipe of his thumb.