Blindsided

Out Of My League

*looks at the hit count* WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE

For real, thanks everyone for making my birthday absolutely bitchin' and blowing this up! Song of the day is Out of My League by Fitz and the Tantrums. Many thanks to Dotemms and the Hole People for being absolute madlads and taking this ride with me.

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  Sarv lay in the dark, the pattering rain tapping the window ledge as soft as a song. The ceiling was a deep shade of indigo above her, only briefly lit by flashing lightning. She hoped Ruv would be alright; it had to be cold and the storm was picking up.

  She rolled over in bed, the lightning lighting up the room bright as day, curled into herself. She was no closer to answers for any of her issues, no closer to deciphering her tangled feelings and frayed nerves. She felt so tired, like she could sleep seven days and not feel any more awake. She wished she knew what to do.

  She didn't lie to herself, she knew precisely why she was hesitating. The truth of the matter was she was terrified to take a leap. She nuzzled her pillow, eyes lidded and unseeing. It was just so hard to acknowledge her feelings. She wished she could be fearless, love him without this fear of falling. She was terrified how quickly she was slipping into the agony and ecstasy of love, how they'd seamlessly gone from friends to lovers in just a short few months.

  It thrilled and terrified her that he was hers in all ways, that she'd never have to think about what would happen if he loved someone else and left her. She finally had him body and soul, his heart in her hands for only her to hold. The bitter, selfish part of her was in triumph, but any day she expected the rug to be pulled from under her feet. She always had this fear and despair that he would go. As irrational as it was, she had one last wall keeping her from committing fully to him. It was all her; he had done nothing wrong. Ruv was innocent.

  It was all her fault that Selever couldn't break past his block, she realized that now. Her hesitance and inability to let herself go was holding back her son, a child who was relying on her to make things right and get him and his sister home. The kids constantly talked about their parents, how in love they were despite at least thirteen years of being together and how they loved each other passionately, possessively, obsessively.

  She buried her face in the pillow. So why was she not able to trust the one person she'd always trusted with her whole heart?

  Sleep was obviously not to be; she stood and climbed back out of bed, and shuffled over to the dresser for a sweater. She pulled open the top drawer, fishing through soft pink and purple sweaters and varying shades of black turtlenecks, when a clunk against the drawer front made her pause.

  She plunged her hand in, and plucked the item out of the drawer. A blue velvet box sat in her hand, a tiny thing that made her breath catch in her throat and her shaking hand cover her mouth. Trembling fingers struggled with the clasp before she got it open, and her eyes teared up.

  A shining gold signet ring, delicate and polished to a mirror shine, sat nestled in blue velvet. A motif of anemone flowers and leaves were carved into the face, an oblong curve that would nestle on the wearer's finger comfortably. Above it was another simple gold band set with five small champagne diamonds, curved to settle along the curved face of the signet ring. They glimmered delicately in the low light, sparkling like tiny stars. She hurriedly closed the box and shoved it back in the drawer before pulling out a black turtleneck three sizes too large, and shut it away.

  She tugged the sweater over her head, smelling of outdoors and wood smoke and the unmistakable scent of him . She was sniffing, her hands shaking like a leaf as she pushed her hair from her face and sobbed. If she needed proof he'd meant what he said when he'd told her that he wanted only her, there it was plain as day and hidden in their shared clothing. She wiped at her face. He already knew; now she wished she could convince herself.