How do we move on from this?

11.

Meredith's hands were shaking, they were sweaty and she couldn't quite believe what was happening right now. Her hands fumbled with the item in her hands. She heard the front door shut and she frantically moved to hide what she was holding before wiping her hands on her legs.

It had been 3 months since they'd lost Sophie, each day was a challenge and she wasn't ready for this. She needed to freak out but now Derek was home and she had to face it.

"Meredith, are you home?" She heard throw his bag down and he currently sounded like he was in the kitchen. Slowly, she moved down the stairs until she stood at the kitchen door, staring at Derek's back.

"So I spoke to Ma and dad earlier and she said that we was going to have a big family barbecue this weekend, I've told them I don't know if we will get the whole day off work but we for sure will show our face." Derek continued to ramble on not hearing Meredith.

"Derek." Meredith watched as continued taking things of his bag, his back still facing her. "Derek!" She exclaimed a bit louder, waiting for him to turn around. He frowned at her but his expression softened when he saw he scared expression. 

"Mer, what is it? What's the matter?" He immediately walked to her side and cupped her face in his hands, staring directly into her eyes. She broke down and fell into his arms, tears staining his shirt.

Derek held her up his arms, confused as to wait brought this on. Yes, they had times were they would get tearful at memories of Sophie but this was different. She was completely breaking down. Eventually, he cries turned into whimpers with the occasional hiccup before she pulled out of his arms.

"Meredith seriously, tell me what's wrong?" He ran his thumb over her cheeks. "Whatever it is, we will get through this together." He watched as she took a deep breath in and bit her lower lip.

"I thought it was because of the stress, like we have had the worst few months ever, so my body has been stressed, I haven't been eating properly so yeah." Her voice wobbled as she explained what was going on with her. "But it wasn't Derek, I'm so scared. Like terrified, I feel sick and I have no idea how we are going to get through this, I really don't."

Meredith continued to ramble before Derek placed his hand on either of her shoulders and forcing her to stop.

"Hey slow down, slow down." His one hand reached up and stroked her cheek. "Tell me what it is."

Meredith grabbed his hand and pulled him upstairs, trailing behind her as he frowned, still seriously confused. She dragged him into the bedroom and moved to grab something from under a pillow, forcing into his hands. Derek looked down in his hands, frowning at first before looking back up at Meredith with wide eyes.

"Mer, no." He whispered in a low voice. He watched as her eyes filled with tears and she nodded her head. "Oh, shit. Alright." Derek felt his legs go weak and he took a seat on the edge of the bed. Meredith stood and watched, biting her nails, scared to move in case her legs gave away underneath her.

Derek took a deep breath in before finally tearing his eyes away, pushing his eyes back to Meredith's. He looked at how fragile she looked and he couldn't leave her like that as he pushed himself to his feet and took her into his arms.

"It's alright Meredith, we will get through this, we will." He tried his best to sound convincing but his voice shook out of fear.

"Derek, I'm pregnant, none of this is alright. We lost Sophie 3 months ago. 3!" She exclaimed as she pulled out of his arms and began pacing the room. "I'm not ready, I don't think I'll ever be ready Derek! How am I meant to bring another baby into this world knowing I couldn't protect our Sophie, tell me!" She began pushing his chest with her hands, Derek barely moving.

He let her push him over and over, she need to freak out, he knew that. But he couldn't take this anymore, he grabbed her hands and stopped her hands pushing him, forcing her head to look up at him.

"Mer, let's go to bed, sleep on it. We don't need to have this discussion now." She nodded her head and climbed into bed without a fight. Meredith looked up and waited for him to join her but he never did. He walked over and kissed her forehead.

"Look, I need to go out, space. Think. Need to speak to my dad." He moved out the room and eventually out the house, leaving Meredith struggling to sleep.

Life was so unfair and cruel but it was completely out of their control. All they could do was take each day at a time, taking it on the chin and leaning on one another to get through it.