"No, no. No talking little bug, this is the part where you listen" he cuts me off before I can finish. I'm disappointed in myself for complying to his orders. I told myself when I left him that I wouldn't let him control me like this anymore. But he...
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"Louis, wake up!" I'm startled by his presence right in my eye line as I flicker my eyes open at his abrupt statement.
"Jesus Christ Harry!" I shriek, pushing his shoulder away with my top arm as I lay stunned on my side.
"I told you I was coming back, why are you asleep?" He asks as if there should be some obvious answer. I lift my head up to gaze at the clock on my side table.
"Harry, its fucking 2am, why the hell do you think I'm asleep?" I reply with irritation. Rolling onto my back clenching my eyes tightly shut before opening them abruptly again. "Hang on, where the hell have you been until 2am!" I whisper shout, lifting myself up onto my elbows as he is still sitting on his knees next to the floor of my bed. It wasn't until I was fully sat up that I see his ripped shirt, blood on his hands and busted lip.
"Harry, what the fuck?" I gasp, sitting myself up out of bed and placing my hand on his chin so I can move his head to either side to get a look at him before he swats my hand away.
"Leave it Louis, it doesn't matter" an obvious answer that I get from him. I shouldn't even ask anymore.
"Harry, I respect your fucking boundaries more than I should, but this is ridiculous, there is literal blood on your hands, is it yours?" I return my grip to his chin but he moves his head away before I can connect.
"It is none of your business Louis what I do and don't do. I don't have to answer to you." he bellows.
"If you're gonna keep showing up to my house and God knows what our with blood on your hands ripped shirt look at you. You at least owe me some answers as to how this happened." I fight back, how can he possible think that me seeing him like this was okay and that I wouldn't ask questions.
He gets up from his knelt position at my bed, running his hands through the his hair, brushing it out of his face. "I don't owe you shit Louis".
I'm at my breaking point. I can't contain my anger any longer. "Then go! Get out! I'm not gonna sit here and watch you fall to pieces in front of me and not let me help you".
"Who said I'm falling to pieces Louis? This is the strongest I've felt in a long time." he almost chuckles, which made this whole situation a lot more terrifying.
"I really don't care any more Harry" well thats a lie. "If you aren't gonna answer my questions then you can go. And I mean it." He and I both know that I don't mean it, but the cranky little chihuahua in me can't help my outbursts.
"Do you want me to go? Fine! Have it your way! This doesn't mean we're done Louis but I'm happy to leave you alone" he calls my bluff, knowing full well I'd never let him leave.
He exits my room quicker than I'm able to reply to him.
Harry has turned up to my house at obsurd hours before but never in this state. This has to be where I draw the line this time. I understood what he meant, it really didn't mean that we were done but I'm glad that he left.
But of course, against my better judgement. I can't let him leave like this. If the blood is his own then he obviously needs help, his busted lip alone needs my attention. "Harry wait!" I call out as I get myself out of bed and race down the hallway.
I reach him at the bottom of the stairs placing both my hands on his shoulder to turn him around. Surprised, shocked and speechless when I see that he's got tears welled up in his eyes "hey what the hell is going on?" I ask him.
"Did you not hear me before?" he screams "none of your goddamn business Louis".
"Harry look at you! I love you, God only knows fucking why, but I do. Let me help you. You don't have to tell me how you got these but at least let me make them better." I say rubbing my thumb across his freshly cut lip.
His eyes flutter shut as he hesitantly nods his head in agreement. I take his hand in mine and lead him back up to my bedroom. Placing him on the bed as I quickly run to the bathroom and grab a damped cloth to clean up some of the blood.
As I dab it gently up against his lip I use my other hand to cup his jaw in my palm, stroking my thumb back-and-forth across his cheek. "Does it hurt?" I ask him, his eyes that are piercing into mine as he doesn't answer me just shakes his head.
"Doesn't look like it needs any stitches" I comment "but it's gonna leave you a nice bruise for awhile. We can tell everyone I gave it to you" I joke noticing the smallest of smirks curl up in the corner of his lip.
"Thank you Louis" he mumbles as he pinches his eyes shut.
"Of course Harry. Does it hurt anywhere else? Do you have any other injuries?" He just shakes his head and I nod in acknowledgement. There was no point pressing him for any information, he wasn't gonna give it to me anyway.
"Lay down I'll go get you some Panadol and some water might help with the pain in your lip. I'll be back in a minute."
As I reach the bottom of the stairs and head towards the kitchen I pass the lounge room to see my drunken father passed out on the couch. I guess it explains why the girls weren't in bed before. I'll begin to wonder if that even had dinner because I they didn't shower as they were still in the day clothes I put them in this morning.
Mum had died during childbirth with the girls due to complications. My father after that became a drunk, very depressed man. Mum was the love of his life. It's like he gave up every will to live once she died. So I took on responsibility and I've been raising these girls since birth. He barely goes to work, he doesn't clean anything, he wouldn't know how to cook to save his life. Sometimes I wonder what's actually holding him onto this earth.
I collect two Panadol's from medicine cabinet and a glass of water heading back up to Harry.
When I returned the room he is underneath the covers with his clothes disposed on the floor. It always made me giggle that Harry like to sleep in the nude. Always worried me that the girls would come in early morning and his blanket would be off. But he was always positioned against the wall with me in front so I was able to hide anything if it did slip.
I give the medicine and drink to him which he gladly takes, throwing them back down with the water. "Thank you" he mumbles.
"You're welcome Harry. Are you tired do you want to sleep now?" He nods and pulls the cover back to gesture for me to get in.
"Only if I can snuggle you" he teases.
I let out of breath of chuckle "yeah yeah don't you always?".
As I lay in bed and push my back up against him, he wraps his arms around my waist and holds me close. It's in these moments that I feel like everything is normal. But I know for a fact that Harry and my relationship is far from normal.
He nuzzles his nose into the back of my neck and places delicate kisses on the nape. Squeezing me tighter holding me as close as he can. It's like being skin to skin at the moment isn't close enough for him.
"Louis" he mumbles up against my back, all I can respond with is a mhmm as I'm already nodding off to sleep. "I'm sorry for hurting you".
I'm taken back by his apology. Apologies are not something that Harry gave out. Especially to me. Whatever happened tonight has rocked him. But I couldn't press for any information and it was useless anyway. Harry is the type of person that would only speak if he wants to and pushing him only makes him mad and creates a distance between us that I hate.
I don't respond I just shuffle back a little bit further letting his face deep into the corner of my neck and place my hand upon his giving it a light squeeze acknowledging that I heard him. Only because the words it's okay would be a lie.
