DEFENCE // LARRY STYLINSON // LOUIS TOMLINSON

28.

"Harry?" I gasp whilst Saxon is still latched onto my neck, hearing my call causes him to stop.

"Um, it's Saxon" he corrects with hurt in his voice.

I quickly snap to look at him, realising that he hadn't seen what I had, and urgently push him away.

"No, it's Harry, he's..." I look over and point to where Harry was standing to see that he was no longer there. I didn't even bother to finish my sentence before I was lunging myself toward the empty space which led to a door.

"Harry!" I call out as I race out the door.

I charge toward the back of him as he is racing away from me, as fast as he can.

"Harry!" I call out again as I struggle with closing the gap between us.

I finally catch up to him, colliding my hands with his shoulder to whip him around to face me.

The moment our eyes connected, I couldn't even describe the amount of regret I felt, the look of hurt that was contained in his eyes was the most gut wrenching feeling I've ever witnessed.

His eyes fluttered around my face, as if he was trying to work out the stranger standing before him. And I was suddenly lost for words. I didn't know what to say. Where to start.

"Harry, I, I just, you're here?" I stumble out, fighting back my own tears.

"I am here Louis, and you, you're.." he couldn't find the words either, I knew I had disappointed him. I knew the moment I saw him, I knew the moment Saxon's lips touched mine, I knew the moment I walked away from Harry's house. I knew it was always going to be him.

A moment of weakness, a small lapse in judgement, the worst mistake I could have ever made.

"Have I lost you? Louis?" his sudden question throws me off guard. I expected yelling, I expected blame, I expected so much disappointment. But to get a question filled with so much heartbreak, I wasn't prepared.

"What?" I question.

His hands connects with the my fallen fringe and makes it's way down the side of my cheek with hesitation and lust. Marking the placement where Saxon's hand once was, but somehow this felt so different. This touch felt different, it always felt different.

"Have I lost you?" he repeats, a struggle evident in his voice.

I shake my head with complete urgency "No, Harry no. Of course not. I didn't mean. He is just." I jumbled through explanations and reassurance.

"Do you love him?" his questions continue to shock me.

"Never. I love you" I breathe out. "Let's go. Can we go somewhere? Please? I want to explain. I want to just, can we?" I beg.

He only replies to me with a nod. To which I immediately grab his hand and lead us across the courtyard toward my dorm building.

**

Harry and I spent the rest of the night talking, and I really do mean the rest of the night. The sun broke through about half way through one of the many explanations I was attempting to give Harry. But by the end of it all, he wasn't angry. He said he understood.

He explained his reasoning for leaving, he explained his reasoning for staying behind. He brought the letter with him, wanted me to explain a few sections. He wanted his chance to respond to a few of things I said.

That's just what the night consisted of. Explanations and a chance to say our side. It seemed like steps forward, actually leaps and bounds forward. Having equal sided discussions with Harry was something that I wasn't use to, but I feel like we needed it.

"I am sorry Harry" I apologise knowing that it doesn't hold the value it needs to.

"Louis, you don't need to apologise. I have always expected you to understand so much from me, I understand that I can't expect to hold this ownership over you. I need to be prepared for you to move on with out me"

"That isn't what is happening Harry. I know now, more than ever, that I'll never move on. I don't want to move on. I said to you Harry, that I'll be here for whenever you are ready for me and I meant it." I explain.

He takes a deep breath and shakes his head in frustration. "No, see you can't live like that Louis. I don't want you to live like that. But I know that I caused that problem, I know its my fault, I made you like that. And I apologise."

"You never need to apologise for me falling in love with you Harry"

He looks saddened. Which did set me back a little, I thought our discussion was going well, I wondered why my admitting to loving him, why that caused a sudden change in his emotion.

"What is it Harry?" I ask, scooting myself over toward him, holding his hand in mine and urging him to look up at me.

"We can't do this Louis."