DEFENCE // LARRY STYLINSON // LOUIS TOMLINSON

14.

It's Friday, grand final is tomorrow and Harry has been so different all week, he's been walking around here as if the lights are on but no one is home. He has this distance in his eyes and he seems to be distancing himself from everyone.

He's been turning up to all of his classes, and coming to rehearsal, but he just I don't know, he's different. I can't quite put my finger on it, but he's just different.

I've been sitting here in my bed contemplating calling Harry, I've also been contemplating calling Kasey, she seems to be close enough to him after our last chat, I wonder if he had been confiding in her this past week.

Someone needs to make sure he has his head screwed on right for tomorrows game, but it's about more than that, I need to make sure he's okay, just for his sake. I don't like it when he is like this.

I turn suddenly when I hear my door opening to see Hollie standing there looking almost terrified.

"Hey kiddo, you alright?" I ask her, gesturing her to come sit with me.

She walks up holding her blanket tight in her hand and sucking on her thumb. "I miss mummy" she whimpers.

I let out a long exaggerated breath. I didn't know how to fix that one for her. I wish I could, more than anything I wish I could bring our mum back to them right now. With everything going on, and graduating high school this year, I found myself not making any plans for my future, these girls are my future. I didn't trust them with dad, to make sure they would be okay, to have everything they need. But I also don't want to build up any resentment towards them.

"Oh honey, I miss her too. I miss her more than anything." It was strange though, she died in childbirth so I didn't know how to comfort the girls when they missed her. As it wasn't a physical person they were missing, rather the idea of a mother. Every little girl needs her mum.

"Tell me again what she was like?" She asked me on a low voice. The story that her and Pip heard many times before, one they never got tired of hearing, one I never got tired of telling.

A smile gently crept its way across my face as 1000 memories come flooding back through my mind. "Well she was exactly like you, beautiful, smart, caring, gave the best cuddles just like you, she was an amazing mum, and she was so excited for you and Pip to be born. I found her often talking to you. Should sit in the Princess Bed that's in your room, she would tell you stories that all the things you would be, she loves you both so much."

"Is it my fault she's dead?" Her question caught me off guard.

"Why would you say something like that?" I gasp at her.

"They say mummy died giving birth to us. Does that mean if I wasn't born, mummy would still be alive.?" she asks in a saddened tone.

How long earth do you answer a question like that? The logical behind it is, yeah that's true they were complications during birth that were out of everyone's control but I also know mum, she would've willingly given up her life for those two girls, for any of us three, it's just the type of person she was.

"Was never your fault Hollie, don't think that. It wasn't because you were born that she died. That was just the last thing she wanted to do before it was her time. She wanted more than anything for you and Pip to live, so it was the last thing she made sure she did before she joined Nanny and Poppy up in heaven."

"Do you think she watches us?" My smile got a little bit wider, only because it's something I think about often.

"Cause she does! She's always watching, she would be so proud of you and Pip. She's always with us Hollie, even when we can't see her, just close your eyes and she'll be there."