DEFENCE // LARRY STYLINSON // LOUIS TOMLINSON

16.

Harry P.O.V

"How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?" I ask her, attempting to contain my obviously breaking heart.

We were told 12 months, but it's only been 2 and it seems as if Kasey is fading away faster from me than I can keep up. It's like I'm trying so hard to hold on so tightly to her and she just continues to slip through my fingertips.

She flutters her eyes open, offering me the most undeserved smile and shakes her head. "No, I'm not in any pain Harry. Nothing has changed from the last time you asked me... 2 minutes ago" she teases.

I let out a breath, "Sorry, I just-" I'm cut off by her placing her hand inside of my own and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Hey, you don't need to apologise Harry, I really appreciate everything you've done for me. What time is it? Willow will be finishing daycare soon" she asks, quickly searching around for her phone.

"It's only 2:15, I'll go get her in an hour. How about you rest? Do you need me to get anything from the store?" I offer, knowing that this cancer has been completely taking over her entire energy source.

Her eyes gaze up to the corner as she thinks. "Yeah, actually could you grab some things to make beef casserole.? Been craving one for ages. If you go now, you can pick up Willow on the way home." She suggests. I can't help but smile, beef casserole is something that I use to make for her whilst she was pregnant, it was her strongest craving, I felt I was doing my 'part' by learning to make it and separating it into containers for her to reheat. I regret not doing more for her through the last few years.

I agree with her and give her a soft kiss on the top of the head as I leave. As I get into the parked car in the driveway, I take a moment, hands resting on the steering wheel and taking deep breath. I can tell she's at the end. Everything in me knows that Kasey's time is running out. What scares me as a graduate in two months, exams in two weeks. The timing of all this is scaring me. Not for my own inconveniences, that doesn't bother me at all, I'm not a monster. I just really thought that we had more time. Starting to wonder whether or not going back to school is even a good idea at all. Kasey is gonna need me these next couple of weeks and I can't be preoccupied with school.

I wipe away a rebel tear that snuck its way out and back out of the driveway slowly making my way to the store.

Basket in hand, I walk around gathering the necessary items. I've thrown in some extra snacks and treats that I know Willow will like. Re-stocked up on the Tea that Kasey likes so much and grabbed a few beer bottles for myself.

"Harry?" I hear a familiar voice come from behind me as I'm standing at the fruit section. "Oh hello, Louis."

"Where have you been? I haven't seen you since game day. You've hardly been at school is everything okay?" No matter how badly I treat this boy, he's always been the nicest to me. Just another example of something in my life that is better than I deserve.

"Oh yeah, no I'm good, great game by the way. I'm so glad we won our final." I try and divert the subject away from the attention of my absence from school. My guidance counsellor knows what's going on. Miss Kilpatrick has known the entire time, thank God for student teacher confidentiality hey. When Kasey was giving birth, she helped me get through my studies as well. She's trying her best to get me through my finals but I think she knows that Kasey's condition is only getting worse. And that the possibility of me not being at my finals is becoming more likely, every day that passes.

"Yeah was it was a great game." His eyes keys down to my basket in the contents that are in it. "Having a party? Grandma party by the looks of it" he teases as he picks up the four boxes of teabags that I've collected.

"Yeah my grandmother needed some more. I'm dropping them to the nursing home on my way back." I lie, sad thing was is that every time I divert my life, keeping the two separate, the lies are getting easier and easier to say. Like lying has become a part of my reality. A way of not admitting my truth. But Louis, he says right through it.

"Didn't know you are back in contact with your grandmother? I thought things were still tense after your mother-"

"Louis it's really none your business okay. I'm not questioning why you've got three bottles of Gatorade, chocolate bars, a loaf of bread and coconut milk in your basket. Those things hardly go together, you don't see me questioning your whereabouts. It was good to see you Louis. Take care."

I quickly cut him off. I couldn't even tell you what is going on in our relationship anymore. I wanted to be with him, I've always wanted to be with him. I could never see myself with anyone else, but I can't do this to him. Knowing that I'll now be here with Willow, taking care of her, she needs my complete attention and I could never ask Louis to give up on his life to come and be stuck in mine.

I've been trying to push him away for a while, but then we have moments like my house, like the football field after detention, like the locker room. I just can't stay away no matter how hard I try.

Louis and I have always had this thing with our relationship where I challenge him. I'm the dominate one and Louis is my submissive, he likes to challenge me every now and again, but I've always been the strong one, the one who has his shit together, but this time it's different. Everything in me is different.

I'm weak, knowing I'm about to lose Kasey, and with that, losing Louis, I'm weak.

I feel vulnerable and I feel afraid. I need him, I need him and I'll never be able to tell him that.

I need him to comfort me and tell me what to do. I need him to say it's all going to be okay. I need him to tell me that he loves me and that he'll always be here. I need to be able to fall helplessly into his arms and let him hold my strengths. I need him to save me.

But he doesn't want that Harry. He wants to be my little bug, and who am I to him if I'm not the person I've been the last 2 years?